When Everything Feels Like Too Much: How to Return to Center

We explore the art and science of self-soothing when everything feels like too much, building what I call an emotional first aid kit for life's overwhelming moments.

• Emotional regulation is your brain's ability to navigate stress without chaos—a dance between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex
• When overwhelmed, our prefrontal cortex goes offline, triggering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses
• Poor emotional regulation links to higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use, and chronic illness
• Many of us grew up without learning emotional literacy—told to "toughen up" instead of process feelings
• The 5-4-3-2-1 technique engages all five senses to ground you in the present moment
• Labeling emotions ("I feel anxious") reduces their intensity by activating regulation centers in the brain
• Self-compassionate talk like "This is hard, but I'm not abandoning myself" creates internal safety
• Sensory comfort (soft textures, nature, movement) helps emotions move through rather than get stuck
• Creating a daily practice through comfort corners, feelings journals, or mantras rewires neural pathways
• Emotional regulation isn't about perfection—it's about learning to stay with yourself through difficult feelings

If something in today's episode resonated, I'd love to hear what's in your emotional first aid kit. Message me or join the conversation on Couch Time with Cat on Instagram.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Couch Time with Cat
• 2:01 Understanding Emotional Regulation
• 5:15 Signs You Need Better Regulation
• 9:19 The Emotional First Aid Kit
• 13:18 Soothing Techniques for Daily Life
• 20:13 Building Your Practice and Closing Thoughts
• 26:14 Episode Wrap and Contact Information

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for real conversation and a gentle check-in. KWVH presents Couch Time with Cat. Hi, I'm Cat, trauma therapist, coach, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and your host here on Couch Time with Cat. I've spent over a decade walking alongside people through the real, raw and sacred work of becoming whole again. Alongside people through the real raw, and sacred work of becoming whole again. Catch Time with Cat Mental Wellness with a Friendly Voice is where we have conversations that are equal parts science and soul. This is where we get honest about anxiety, grief, burnout, relationships and the brave everyday work of healing. You don't have to have it all figured out to belong here. Whether you're tuning in right from here in the hill country or listening across the world, I want you to feel seen, supported and reminded that you're not alone. So find your cozy spot, take a deep breath and let's talk about what it means to be human together.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just feels like too much? The noise of the world, the buzz in your brain. Your heart is racing. You're trying to keep it together, but inside it's like a storm of emotions that you can't quite name or contain. I remember one evening, after a long day of sessions and parenting and trying to juggle a million invisible tasks, I found myself standing in my kitchen, completely frozen. The dishes were piled up, my phone was buzzing and all I could do was hold the counter and breathe. In that moment, I realized I was overwhelmed, not just by the day, but by months of pushing through without checking in. That's what we're talking about today how to care for yourself when it feels like everything is too much. How to soothe the storm inside, because self-soothing isn't just for babies. It's a lifelong skill, one that many of us were never taught. Today's episode is your guide to building your emotional first aid kit. Let's explore the art and the science of self-soothing Before we dive into the how. Let's explore the why.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Emotional regulation is your brain's ability to navigate emotional stress without flipping into full-blown chaos. It's what allows you to feel a surge of frustration and choose to take a breath instead of snapping I know we have all felt that in rush hour traffic or to notice sadness and give it space instead of running from it. Neurologically, it's a dance between the amygdala and the brain, or the amygdala, the brain's alarm system and the prefrontal cortex, which helps us assess, plan and soothe. When we're emotionally overwhelmed, our prefrontal cortex can go offline and we go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn. I know you guys have heard of fight or flight. There's also freeze, and science has shown us that there is also something, a state, called fawn your brain, your body, you assess all the dangers around you and in one quick second you decide. The best way for me to keep myself safe is to do whatever this person wants. Fawn is usually a trauma response.

Speaker 1: 4:22

Studies show that poor emotional regulation is linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use and even chronic illness. So think of your highs being so high and the lows being so low, and constantly just up and down and up and down, like just the worst roller coaster ride you've ever taken, and being in constant reaction to what's happening around you. When we don't practice emotional regulation, we are constantly reacting to external stimuli and we are disempowered. We are relying on external forces to help us feel good in that moment. What this show is going to teach you and give you actionable tools to take so that you can start to respond to these external stimuli in a way that helps you feel safe, grounded and empowered so you can act from a place of your values instead of just reacting from emotional dysregulation. The CDC reports that emotional dysregulation is a key factor in long-term mental health challenges beginning as early as childhood.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Ask yourself do I often feel out of control emotionally? Do I react quickly and regret it later? That feels like a snap, like you short circuit and you think, darn it, I wish I wouldn't have done that. Do you avoid or numb difficult feelings instead of sitting with them? This can look like being really stressed and deciding to go over work. This can look like being stressed and deciding to have six bottles of wine. This can look like being stressed. And it can even look like something good quote unquote like organizing your pantry down to the last battery. Do you avoid or numb difficult feelings instead of sitting with them? All of us do this to some degree. I'd say most of us do this to some degree. But how healthy you are and how emotionally balanced you feel, your emotional wellness is on the spectrum and the more you can become emotionally regulated, the less these things will impact you. So if you answered yes to do I often feel out of control emotionally? Do I react quickly and regret it later? Do I avoid or numb difficult feelings instead of sitting with them. If you answered yes to those, then emotional regulation may be a skill worth strengthening.

Speaker 1: 7:39

Many of us grew up in environments that didn't teach emotional literacy. We were told to be quiet, to stop crying, to toughen up, we learned that big feelings were a problem to fix, not a message to listen to. My culture prized strength and stoicism. Emotions were messy, and messy wasn't safe. I spent years perfecting the art of being fine, but the truth is pretending to be fine is exhausting and it disconnects us from ourselves. Soothing yourself can feel awkward at first, especially if kindness wasn't modeled, especially if your nervous system learned that safety equals suppression. But emotional regulation is not about being unshakable. It's not about being perfectly peaceful all the time. It's not about being in a Zen state. It's about meeting your feelings with presence and not punishment. Emotional regulation isn't about controlling your feelings. It's about learning how to care for them. It's about learning how to care for them.

Speaker 1: 9:06

Listener, in an effort to help and support you where you are, I want to give you a few tools the Emotional First Aid Kit. So three little bits that you can take with you into your week and apply them when you want and need. First, we're going to talk about grounding the body. When your nervous system is activated, we can start with our body. So let's place our hand on our heart and we're going to inhale deeply through the nose and we're going to exhale slowly and then say I'm safe right now. The trick to the inhale and the exhale is the exhale has to be longer, slow. You can pretend like you're holding a hot cup of tea or a hot cup of soup and like you're just cooling it down. A hot cup of tea or a hot cup of soup and like you're just cooling it down. The long exhale signals to your nervous system that you are safe and it's okay to relax. Here's another tool. It's called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. This engages your senses and it brings you back to the present. So let's get started.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Five name five things you can see right now, right in front of you. I'll do it with you. I can see green leaves. I can see a camel-colored chair. I can see my pink phone cover. I can see my clear bottle of water and I can see this black radio microphone. Okay, four Name four things you can touch with your fingers and tell me how they feel. I'll do it with you. I can touch this table it's smooth. I can touch my jeans they're kind of coarse. I can touch my hair it's soft. And I can touch my gold ring. You guys know I wear all the gold and it's cool.

Speaker 1: 11:53

Let's move on to number three. What are three things you can hear and tell me how they sound? I can hear the radio station music very faintly. I can hear my hair brushing up against the collar of my shirt, my hair brushing up against the collar of my shirt, and I can hear my own voice and I can hear my producer's voice. So that's four.

Speaker 1: 12:21

Two, what are two things you can smell right now? I can smell the podcast studio air and I can smell my perfume. And lastly, one Name, one thing you can taste, even if you're not eating or drinking anything. What's one thing you can taste? I can taste my leftover coffee. So there we go.

Speaker 1: 13:01

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique engages your senses and it brings you back to the present moment. It's like turning all the light switches on for our senses, which helps us emotionally regulate, because, instead of thinking and stewing and building the story and getting bigger and bigger and madder and madder, it brings us into the room that we're sitting in, which is often a pretty safe space, which is often a pretty safe space. Lastly, another technique you could use is you can splash cold water on your hands, or you can splash cold water on your face, and that will stimulate your vagus nerve and interrupts panic. So, with these mechanisms, with these tools you have, where do you feel stress in your body? Do you feel it in your chest, your gut, your jaw?

Speaker 1: 14:09

We want to look at the art of emotional self-regulation through different perspectives, and the body is one. Let's take a look from another perspective Labeling emotions, as we've discussed before. Labeling emotions reduces intensity, so you can speak it. Intensity, so you can speak it. I feel anxious, I feel small, I feel overwhelmed, or they can be great ones. I feel blessed, I feel healthy, I feel excited. We can write it, so we can journal without judgment. I'm so excited that I got this new opportunity. I'm thrilled that I met a new friend at the park. I am so thrilled to get this project at work. I hope that I do a good job and accept it.

Speaker 1: 15:05

We can feel more than one emotion at a time, so maybe we feel anxious about something and we feel hopeful about something else. We feel anxious and hopeful, and that's okay. Learning to hold different emotions and learning to give ourselves permission to feel different emotions at once is a beautiful step in our emotional maturity and emotional wellness. Nothing happens in a vacuum. I know you've had those days where they're just so tough, but then also something really beautiful happens, and then we have this tension inside of us that thinks, no, no, no, no. We have to give all our attention to those negative feelings or to the negativity in the day we can't give ourselves permission to to really enjoy that silver lining. But what if we did? What if we allowed ourselves to hold love and grief or love and sadness in the very same breath? Naming emotions lights up the brain's regulation centers and calms the fear response. So labeling emotions is another way you can help emotionally regulate yourself.

Speaker 1: 16:32

Thirdly and this is where the healing happens and this is where it's going to maybe get a little gooey is you can offer yourself comfort, soothing self talk. I know for a lot of you this is. You are going to roll your eyes at me. You are going to think this lady is off her rocker. I will be so honest. My therapist gave me this as a suggestion six or seven years ago and I didn't employ it for about five years. I just couldn't, I couldn't, I wasn't there, and that's okay. I came to it in my own time. So if you're out there and what I'm about to say, you roll your eyes so hard, I get it. I was there too. Just kind of keep this in your pocket for next time. For those of you who are ready, let's do this together. Okay, soothing self talk. Here's an example of something you can share with yourself. I'm here. This is hard, but I'm not abandoning myself. I'm here. This is hard, but I'm not abandoning myself.

Speaker 1: 17:55

You are older, you are wiser and you can handle this. You can stay with yourself. You do not have to run away from your difficult feelings. You can handle this. Feel the feelings, let them move through your body and then release them. Don't push them down, friend. Don't do it, because if you push them down, they're going to stay there lodged, and they're going to cause you stress in one way or another.

Speaker 1: 18:31

You can offer yourself some sensory comfort a soft blanket tea, music you love. Choose what calms you, listen. I know that all sounds so cliche. Give me a break. Blanket tea music, listen. For you it could be bare feet in the grass, it could be warm sun on your face, it could be your favorite sweater, your favorite t-shirt, your favorite soft socks, something that you can feel sensory wise. That reminds you oh, I'm soothing, I'm worth.

Speaker 1: 19:11

Taking this step and movement. A short walk, a gentle stretch, a sway this is how we support our body with. Moving our emotions through Our body will help us. Our body is a gift. It is our friend. It is here to support us and we have to support it. Ask yourself what truly comforts me, not what distracts me, not more Netflix, but what restores you. For me, things that comfort me and restore me are time in water, whether that's a lake or by a beach or a creek or a river. Time in nature, maybe walking on a beautiful trail that really restores me. Cuddles with my kids that restores me. Laughing with my husband that feels very restorative to me. So what comforts you, not what distracts you? Listen, I have plenty of those things too, but what restores you? But what restores you?

Speaker 1: 20:33

Years ago, I was going through something quite difficult and I remember lying on the floor of my bedroom staring at the ceiling. I didn't want to be around anybody, but I also didn't want to be alone. Have you ever had that feeling? And I started putting my hand on my chest and whispering you're allowed to feel this. And it felt weird and awkward and cliche, but it truly felt supportive to myself and it allowed me to kind of drop my shoulders and take a deeper breath and it just became the sacred type of pause. I didn't rush out and run another errand to target, I didn't go reorganize something, I didn't go even exercise, I just took a few deep breaths with myself and gave myself permission. Another time, after a very painful professional transition, I started keeping a small lavender-scented stone in my bag Nothing fancy, just something that was tactile and I could hold on to it in moments of stress, before meetings and traffic, whenever I felt myself starting to spin and create a story and remember that roller coaster I referred to earlier. That roller coaster was going all the way up, up, up, up up. I said no, no, no, we're not going there. And grabbing that stone and just kind of squeezing it between my fingertips really helped that roller coaster come back down. These small acts didn't erase the pain, but they reminded me that I'm not helpless and that I can anchor myself and I can stay.

Speaker 1: 22:45

Here's how to practice emotional regulation every day. Emotional regulation every day. Create a comfort corner, a small space with things that ground you Photos, candles, soft textures. Start a feelings journal. Track what you felt and how you responded no judgment. It can be a stream of consciousness. It doesn't even have to be a full sentence journal. It can literally be got cut off. Felt angry, wanted to drive them off the side of the road, but didn't Great, that's it. That's perfect. Of the road, but didn't Great, that's it. That's perfect. You are expressing yourself. It can be a daily mantra I can feel this. I am safe with myself. Or it can be choosing one soothing tool a day Breath work, a body scan, a mindful walk part of your emotional first aid kit.

Speaker 1: 23:59

Listener, every time you soothe instead of suppress, you are rewiring your brain. You're becoming your own safe place. You're becoming your own safe place. Developing these tools and rewiring your brain and your nervous system is very possible. You can absolutely do this. You are not saddled with these maladaptive mechanisms forever. You can adapt, you can learn, you can try new things. You can soothe yourself. You can go through life having the empowered and fulfilled feeling of responding instead of reacting to external stimuli.

Speaker 1: 24:56

If you've been feeling like your emotions are too much to handle, this is your reminder. You don't have to fix everything, you just have to stay with yourself. You don't have to be the calmest person in the room, you just have to remember that you can be safe with yourself. Emotional regulation is not a destination, it's not perfection. It's a practice, a muscle, and it gets stronger with every breath, with every time we try, every breath, with every time we try. So today, offer yourself one small act of kindness, one pause, one hand over your heart, because you deserve tenderness.

Speaker 1: 25:47

If something in today's episode resonated, I'd love to hear what's in your emotional first aid kit. Message me or join the conversation on Couch Time with Cat on Instagram. You are not alone. You are learning to stay and that, dear listener, is the bravest thing of all. And that's a wrap on today's episode of Couch Time with Cat. I'm so grateful you joined me here, whether you were walking, driving or curled up with a cup of something warm.

Speaker 1: 26:22

I hope today's conversation left you feeling just a little more connected to yourself and a little less alone in whatever you're walking through. If you'd like to connect with me, you can find me at Cat, that's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-Mcom, or over on Instagram at Cat. I'd love to hear your thoughts, your questions or what this episode stirred in you. If we had a guest on today's episode, you can find all their links and info in the show notes. Please support their work and follow along. If they resonated with you and if this episode meant something to you, would you please take a moment to rate, review and share it with a friend? These stories matter. Your voice matters. Until next time, be kind to yourself.