Rewire Your Mind: Breaking Free from Limiting Patterns

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Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns, even when they no longer serve you? This eye-opening conversation with Jessica Cherry – sound bath practitioner, NLP coach, and TV host – reveals how our minds create patterns that shape our entire lives, and how we can change them.

Jessica explains neuro-linguistic programming as "a manual for your mind," offering a powerful framework for examining the thoughts and language patterns that keep us stuck. Through vivid metaphors – like emptying your purse to see what you're unnecessarily carrying – she demonstrates how we can objectively look at our limiting beliefs and decide what deserves space in our mental landscape.

The most compelling moments come when Jessica shares real transformation stories, including a client who experienced "space in her chest" for the first time after a Hawaiian forgiveness practice called Ho'oponopono. This physical manifestation of emotional release led to an urge to clean under her bed – a beautiful example of how internal shifts create external changes. 

For anyone feeling stuck in patterns of anxiety, limiting beliefs, or emotional cycles, this conversation offers practical insight into how our brains work and how remarkably plastic they remain throughout our lives. Jessica reminds us that after 35, we typically operate on autopilot unless we deliberately choose different patterns – a wake-up call for anyone feeling too old to change or grow.

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Jessica Cherry is an award-winning entrepreneur, empowerment coach, TV host, and community leader in Central Texas. As founding Community Director of LLN Hays County, she produces monthly networking and empowerment events spotlighting women-owned businesses. Host of She Will Empower on The CW Austin’s Connect Network TV and a Certified NLP Practitioner, she helps women release trauma, burnout, and self-doubt to create confident, purposeful lives. 

She is a multi-award recipient, including Blogger of the Year twice for Austin Business Woman, a Community Contributor Award recipient for Austin Business Woman and runner-up for Best Online Personality in the Austin Chronicle’s Best of Austin 2024. 

You can connect with her at: Lone Star Sound Baths and Life of a Cherry Wife

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Jessica Cherry
• 3:15 From Blogger to TV Host
• 5:35 Understanding Neuro-Linguistic Programming
• 9:08 Breaking Patterns and Limiting Beliefs
• 14:42 Hawaiian Forgiveness: Ho'oponopono
• 17:33 Sound Baths and NLP Applications
• 21:51 The Swish Method in Action
• 24:25 Escaping Autopilot and Creating Change
• 30:06 Resistance and the Crazy Eight Pattern

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for real conversation and a gentle check-in. Kwvh presents Couch Time with Cat. Hi, I'm Cat, trauma therapist, coach, tedx speaker, best-selling author and your host here on Couch Time with Cat. I've spent over a decade walking alongside people through the real, raw and sacred work of becoming whole again through the real, raw and sacred work of becoming whole again. Catch Time with Cat.

Speaker 1: 0:24

Mental Wellness with a Friendly Voice is where we have conversations that are equal parts science and soul. This is where we get honest about anxiety, grief, burnout, relationships and the brave everyday work of healing. You don't have to have it all figured out to belong here. Whether you're tuning in right from here in the hill country or listening across the world, I want you to feel seen, supported and reminded that you're not alone. So find your cozy spot, take a deep breath and let's talk about what it means to be human together. Today's conversation was someone who has built her life around helping people find peace in a world that doesn't slow down.

Speaker 1: 1:05

Jessica Cherry is a certified sound bath practitioner, sound alchemist and licensed neuro-linguistic programming coach. She's the founder of Lone Star Sound Baths, where she guides people into deep states of relaxation, emotional release and inner clarity through immersive vibrational sound experiences. Her work blends ancient healing instruments with modern mind-body tools to help people recalibrate not just physically but mentally and spiritually. Her journey into this work wasn't born from a textbook. It started in the middle of her own struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. What began as a personal search for relief became a calling to create spaces where others could experience the same sense of calm and renewal she found. Today, jessica is here to share how sound and NLP can be healing, how language shapes our inner reality and how combining the two can help us shift patterns, regulate our nervous system and connect more deeply with ourselves. If you've been feeling stuck, overwhelmed or just craving a moment to exhale, jessica's story and tools will give you new ways to listen not only to sound but to the messages your own body and mind are sending you. Jessica, welcome back to the show.

Speaker 2: 2:31

So excited to be back. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Thank you so much for being here. So, listener, I need you to know that Jessica's been on the show before, she's a repeat guest and also she is a jack of all trades. This lady I'm really sitting across from a lifelong learner and an entrepreneur, a mama, a cheerleader, a TV show host. What else would you add? Oh gosh, I don't know all the things all the things let's tell the listener, we're gonna jump. I want to ask a little bit about your life that surrounds NLP, and then we'll dive deep into NLP okay so tell us about being on television.

Speaker 2: 3:26

The very start.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Sure.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Okay. So I won the Austin Blogger of the Year for Austin Businesswoman in 2021. And when I won that award, I was approached by the CW Austin at the Connect Network TV show to be interviewed. And I was so nervous because I was like TV you mean real TV and they're like, yeah, do you mind, do you want to be on the TV? And I knew it was such a great opportunity that I did not want to pass that up. So I said yes and I was interviewed and they loved it, they loved me and I was so relieved that I just got through that interview and they asked me to be on the show again. And so there I was again, and then they asked me to be on the show again and that is how I eventually, that is how I got the she Will Empower segment on the CW Austin on the Connect Network TV show. So I've been doing that for, I want to say, four years.

Speaker 1: 4:35

Wow, wow. So yeah, you're a media pro.

Speaker 2: 4:39

I don't know about pro, but I'm comfortable in it a lot. I mean, I wasn't, I didn't look to be on tv, it kind of fell in my lap and now this is what I do, part of what I do, and I have my own monologue segment where I get to talk about how to empower women. Or I also have a VIP takeover which somebody, if somebody, wants to be in my spot. I will interview them and then it goes out to Central Texas.

Speaker 1: 5:07

It goes out to a million households. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, I love that opportunity. You're shining a light on people.

Speaker 2: 5:15

Totally Women.

Speaker 1: 5:17

Shining a light on women Women yes, ok.

Speaker 2: 5:20

Entrepreneurs, business owners, thought leaders, they all come on, or I do it myself and I have my own. She Will Empower segment.

Speaker 1: 5:27

I can get behind that all the way.

Speaker 2: 5:31

It's fun so.

Speaker 1: 5:31

Jessica, tell us what neuro-linguistic programming is. That is quite a mouthful.

Speaker 2: 5:38

It is so. It's in layman's terms. I want to say it's a manual for your mind, Okay, Right, okay.

Speaker 2: 5:47

So it helps you understand and learn exactly how the mind works, that we can get stuck on patterns, and it helps you look at those patterns from a different perspective, kind of look outside the box of your body or more of your brain, and break patterns so that you can change and live the life that you want without being stuck on things. So I kind of walked into that as well. That actually came on my feed. I was really into Dr Joe Dispenza and all of his work.

Speaker 1: 6:24

Oh yeah, he's fabulous, oh I love him.

Speaker 2: 6:27

I can just read all his books on repeat, right. So I follow him. And so an NLP course came on my feed and it was in Austin. So of course I went and I was so immediately drawn into it and I of course became certified, because that's how I do, that's how I roll. So I've been certified now for two years and now, after doing the certification, now I'm actually going under Tony Robbins. So right now I'm finishing up the Tony Robbins whole course and I'll take my board certified certification. I think California is the one that I'm doing it under.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Wow, also for NLP or for something else.

Speaker 2: 7:14

That is Tony Robbins. So that's a strategic intervention course, and after that I'm already enrolled in doing hypnotherapy.

Speaker 1: 7:23

Wow.

Speaker 2: 7:24

Yes, so I told you I'm a enrolled in doing hypnotherapy. Wow, yes, so I told you I'm a forever learner.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Jessica is an action-oriented person, so let's break down neuro-linguistic programming, neuro of the mind, right Neuroscience, linguistic language, yes, and then programming. So how are we attaching? The thoughts to the thoughts to the language.

Speaker 2: 7:47

Yes, the patterns. Yes, A lot of people don't realize that you are a set of patterns and we are on autopilot, unless we actively take a step back and say okay, what do I do every morning? What are the thoughts that I tell myself? What is the language that I am telling myself? You don't really think about that, right. You have to take some time and space to look at yourself in that light. So NLP really focuses on what you're saying to yourself, the language patterns, and breaks it down, and a lot of it deals with slight hypnotherapy, the very tiptoe of it. But it's great. I personally have transformed a lot of trauma that I've had my anxiety, my debilitating anxiety. I've done certain things like swish method, and they're gone. So I don't have to keep popping pills the way I was popping pills, or having to drink a glass of wine before I enter a room. Those patterns, I don't do those anymore.

Speaker 1: 8:59

So it sounds like with the NLP you really got to the source.

Speaker 2: 9:04

Totally, and I love it.

Speaker 1: 9:06

The patterns in your mind, the thoughts, the language.

Speaker 2: 9:09

The language Also the language that you tell yourself. Yeah, it's thoughts, patterns, behaviors, even emotions. It's looking at the brain as an organ, just like your heart, your lungs, you know. Looking at the brain and taking a step back or outside of yourself and saying what beliefs am I telling myself, what are my limiting thoughts that I'm telling myself, and be able to have the tools to break it if they don't serve?

Speaker 1: 9:38

you is looking at the brain and looking at our patterns from a neutral perspective. A neutral point of view so that we're not defensive about what we're saying or defensive about what we're thinking, but a neutral stance really allows us to take an objective look and decide. Is this something we want to keep? Is this something we want to change? Is this something that maybe isn't serving us anymore?

Speaker 2: 10:05

Totally. It's like unpacking your purse. And is that gum in your purse that you've been holding on for six months? Do you really want to hold that and keep that walking around with?

Speaker 1: 10:15

that.

Speaker 2: 10:17

Yes, I do. It's unpacking it. It's flipping the purse over, shaking, shaking it and looking at what you're carrying. What baggage are you carrying? Oh my god, that is such a good visual yes, and you know, looking at it and being like, okay, you know what, I don't need three pens, it's that.

Speaker 1: 10:37

But old apple yes, like a random straw, you know right, yeah, that ketchup yes you know, yes, all the things.

Speaker 2: 10:49

So it's. It's doing that, but in a mind's perspective, what are the limiting beliefs that you're holding on to? Are you saying I'm too old so I can't do this, or I'm too whatever? The ship has sailed. A lot of friends on like, on my facebook personal feed. They're at the point now where they're thinking they're too old and so they don't want to try new things, and that is that is my pet peeve I feel like that's the beginning of the end yes, when you're like I'm too old sorry, friends I can't sorry.

Speaker 2: 11:20

Yeah, like I'm too old, I can't start a new thing because I'm this age. I'm like no, no no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 11:27

Oh, my god, that would be so scary to me. To me it would be scarier to be told you can't try anything new yeah, and you're on autopilot from here on out. Oh my god, that would be a nightmare. Yeah, that'd be a nightmare for you too, if somebody told you you can't learn anymore oh no, my arm off instead.

Speaker 2: 11:48

Right, you can't get any more degrees. Oh, I know, no, sometimes that's my husband how did you earn your NLP license?

Speaker 1: 12:00

what was that like?

Speaker 2: 12:01

so I went to with Dr Matt James oh my God, his business is leaving my memory right now, but I went to school under Dr Matt James, I think it's. I didn't want to misquote that school, so I got the material from him and then I had to go to the Association of Integrative Psychology, take my exam, and that's how I passed it. And now I'm certified, and then I have to renew that every year.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Congratulations. Thank you, yeah, that's incredible. Can you share some client examples of shifting limiting beliefs, releasing trauma, rewiring mindset?

Speaker 2: 12:40

Yes, so I'm so happy that you're asking me that, because I just wrapped up a client experience a couple of days ago and she had a lot of trauma and baggage and it was affecting her work To the point where she doesn't want to put her face on social media, not even her hands or anything like that, which is something that we're working with. But I did a Ho'oponopono which is in a Hawaiian forgiveness thing. I don't know if you know of Ho'oponopono.

Speaker 1: 13:15

No, okay, oh my gosh, good, tell me that. What is that?

Speaker 2: 13:19

So it is rooted in Hawaiian forgiveness. Tell me that. What is that? So it is rooted in Hawaiian forgiveness and it's not. When I say forgiveness, it is forgiveness, but it's not so much to forgive the wrong that people do to you, because sometimes people are just people and they're what they're. It's not about that.

Speaker 2: 13:36

It's about forgiveness so that you can break away and be free of it and to move on with the life and live the life that you are meant to live, without carrying the weight of somebody's mistakes on you to kind of accept it and move forward, move forward. Yes, ho'oponopono it's. It was one of the most powerful tools that was done to me by dr matt james that I became obsessed with because I had I mean, we all have our own issues right, so I had my own issues. That was done.

Speaker 1: 14:05

I don't have any.

Speaker 2: 14:06

Oh well, I want to be you.

Speaker 1: 14:11

Just kidding girl. I became a therapist.

Speaker 2: 14:17

So that was done to me and so that was the. That was what I recently did to her, because I knew that it would help her, and during the session, of course, there was a lot of tears, but one of the things that she said to me in our wrap-up was that she felt the intense desire to clean, and to clean under her bed specifically.

Speaker 1: 14:39

Oh yes, that makes so much sense. Under her bed specifically. Yes, oh yeah, I know, yes and I was.

Speaker 2: 14:42

I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it. When, after she said this to me, I have my appointment with her next week just to clean under the bed, just struck something in me like okay, she said she had not done it and she's just been sleeping. That's just one thing that she didn't do. And just to clean under, she said she was swiffering under the bed.

Speaker 1: 15:01

Oh yeah, but yeah, that's one of the things that really struck with me. As you're saying that, I'm thinking okay, so she had this intense release, this acceptance, and then the emotions are coming up and out of her body, yes, which is creating space.

Speaker 2: 15:21

Yes.

Speaker 1: 15:21

So the cleaning is just creating it's a metaphor exactly. It's just creating more space in her world, decluttering, letting go of the old hoa hoa pono pono, hoa pono pono listener, you're about to become bilingual. Uh, chihuahuas, that is spanish for dang it. Yeah, uh, so hoa ho a pono pono.

Speaker 2: 15:47

Ho a pono pono. A pono pono. Yes we need a spelling we need a spelling bee, but ho a pono pono you got it that sounds beautiful so often when we.

Speaker 1: 16:02

Sometimes it goes the other way. So sometimes we feel this intense urge to clean our physical space and that is really kind of like somebody tapping us on the shoulder and saying hey, hey, hey, you may want to clean your interior space also.

Speaker 2: 16:18

It's a distraction.

Speaker 1: 16:19

Right, it's a distraction, but it's also sometimes like little breadcrumbs, like hey, totally, you're feeling like things are closing in on you. You're feeling a little overwhelmed. You may want to look at your interior life Also.

Speaker 2: 16:34

The kitchen counter matters, under the bed matters, but also what's going on in your heart and mind, and it sounds like nlp helps people do that yes, and for her, when I was immediately after the session that we had, she, after the crying she was holding on, she had a fist and she was holding on with her other hand over her fist and she was putting it on her heart and she said I've never felt space in my chest before oh my goodness yes I know that is so powerful, so she, she was like I I feel like a space in my chest, I'm not walking around with a tightness.

Speaker 2: 17:14

And it was just one session of that ho'oponopono exercise that I did with her and after that I let her mean we had the session had to end, and then the next thing she sent me an email and she's like I'm cleaning, I'm just finding myself cleaning.

Speaker 1: 17:29

Do you go to somebody's house? Do you go to your office? How does this work?

Speaker 2: 17:32

This so far right now, is online.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Online.

Speaker 2: 17:36

Oh my goodness, everything is virtual.

Speaker 1: 17:38

No, way, somebody can do this virtually. Yes, wow, wow, that's pretty impressive. Do you ever blend sound baths with NLP?

Speaker 2: 17:51

I would like to, but as of right now they are separate. So the sound bath is just a gentle guided meditation, and then you go into the sound practice of it and then I guide you out of it when the sound is over, and then NLP is just a deep dive of what are the problems? How can I help you? And we're doing more talking. So sound therapy I'm kind of quiet, I just kind of let the music do its thing.

Speaker 1: 18:22

So it sounds like maybe they could be used in concert with each other they could.

Speaker 2: 18:28

It would be something that I would like to do down the road and maybe offer that but that would have to be in person. Maybe not at the same hour, no, but no, in, in, yeah, something in conjunction with it, or offer it on the side, or like if you're going through nlp, maybe take a sound bath on the sunday.

Speaker 1: 18:46

Yes, right, that would be really good like that would be a something that could support the work and help the client really move things through yes, especially with anxiety, I think that would be really good what are the downsides of NLP? What would you think?

Speaker 2: 19:03

So people think the downside of the stigma that it has is that it could be manipulative.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Oh wait, Tell me about that.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Yes. So when you use NLP for it's like anything, you use therapy or NLP, or if you use something for good, then you have a good outcome right. But some people use NLP like the Milton's Law they will use it and they don't have good intentions behind it. So they will want to use NLP language to maybe convince you of something that they have an agenda for oh no, so people can learn nlp or nlp practices and then use it to their advantage and totally blindside the person.

Speaker 2: 19:52

So nlp has like body language aspects. So if I want to convince you of something or I want you to like me, I will imitate your body language. So I'll put my arm on the headrest, I'll do this and I'll talk to you like this. No, yes, so there is a part of NLP that.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Listener, jessica is imitating my body language right now and I'm like don't you dare.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Don't you dare. So there is that stigma that NLP can be used for not as good, right or not. I wouldn't say evil because it's not evil. But yeah, it all depends on who's using it and how they're using it. So that's the bad part.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Not all NLP practitioners are created equally.

Speaker 2: 20:38

True, it's like anybody else right.

Speaker 1: 20:41

Like any other modality. So, as you're saying that, I'm thinking it's important to know who you're working with, totally what. How would you guide somebody so they can make sure that they're working with somebody trustworthy?

Speaker 2: 20:56

I would. I would do a search on this person, maybe if there's testimonials out there, if there's any reviews out there, and really trust your intuition, trust your gut. I think the gut speaks a lot of times when our mind doesn't right. At least, I would like to think that is to trust your gut.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Is an NLP experience, a multi-session experience? Is it like a? So you can over a few weeks, over a few months, is it one at a time.

Speaker 2: 21:28

So it all depends. So I offer six week programs and I also offer one-offs. So if you want for example, the Ho'oponopono session, where you just want to clear a stuck feeling or something like I'll offer that. Or a swish method which is like what is swish method?

Speaker 1: 21:47

So?

Speaker 2: 21:47

it's taking a belief and replacing it with another.

Speaker 1: 21:53

Give me an example.

Speaker 2: 21:54

So you look in your mind's eye and you'll have one vision of what you want to be in one box right, and then another vision of what you currently to be in one box right, and then another vision of what you currently are in another box okay and you'll put one in the center and one on the bottom screen and then I will say what I need to say and I'll say one, two, three swish, and you flip them.

Speaker 2: 22:15

Oh, and you flip them faster, and flip them faster, and flip them faster, and so that has been used to um, stop like smoking. And, for example, I did one. I did a swish method on a friend of mine who wouldn't stop eating chocolate. This was at the very beginning when I was I was learning swish. I was like, okay, I need to practice on my friends before.

Speaker 1: 22:37

get me to stop eating vanilla ice cream, I will. I will sign up.

Speaker 2: 22:42

I had to find a replacement with eating chocolate, so I made her think of the dirtiest, nastiest thing that she has ever ingested.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Oh no.

Speaker 2: 22:54

And for her it was tobacco water that she accidentally drank one time. No, and so I did a swish method on her and now she does not eat chocolate.

Speaker 1: 23:05

I wouldn't either. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 23:07

So now in her brain when she bites.

Speaker 1: 23:09

That's the association, yes.

Speaker 2: 23:11

And I had it done to me when I was learning it and I chose a food, it was food that I learned it. So I chose spiral pasta because I was loving spiral pasta and I was like I choose spiral pasta and then they said okay, place it, replace it with something that you hate. And I said slimy cooked okra, sorry husband. And so I did a swish method and I can't eat it anymore. And that was done two years ago.

Speaker 1: 23:44

You can't eat spiral pasta.

Speaker 2: 23:45

I get the sensation of eating okra, slimy cooked okra.

Speaker 1: 23:50

Our mind is so powerful.

Speaker 2: 23:52

Yes, it is.

Speaker 1: 23:53

And it can constantly be rewired.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Yes.

Speaker 1: 23:57

It's elastic, it's never too late.

Speaker 2: 24:00

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 24:01

And the patterns. We were talking about patterns earlier. Those really the patterns that are happening in our mind. Here's how you know what patterns are happening in your mind. Look at your life. The way your life is unfolding is directly related to the patterns that are happening in your mind.

Speaker 2: 24:25

Yes, they say that after 35, we are a stuck pattern unless we alter it that we are on autopilot. Yes, from 35 on.

Speaker 1: 24:36

Yes, it's. You have to be so deliberate If you want to live a certain type of life. You have to be deliberate about changing the way you think.

Speaker 2: 24:47

Yes, you have to snap out of it, so to speak, right and say this is not serving me. I need to wake up from this, this pattern that I'm, that I'm living, this autopilot that I'm on and back to the dumping out of the purse.

Speaker 1: 25:02

Yes, that's such a good visual. Who cares about the old gum? It's old gum, right? If you look at it neutral, like this old pattern isn't serving me.

Speaker 2: 25:11

Let me try something else yes, or or having people in your life like if let's go to the purse and we're dumping it all out and we're seeing these relationships that aren't serving us, because we've known this person for 15 years, 20 years, but every time we meet them they drain us right or they.

Speaker 1: 25:30

They're just not good for us, but we hold on to them because we've known them for so long jim murphy is an author and he has a book called Inner Excellence, and one of the points that he talks about in the book is that we, as humans, think that we know exactly how our life is supposed to go in order for us to be successful.

Speaker 1: 25:56

So we create this story in our head I need to graduate, I need to get married, I need to do this, I need to do that, I need to get a promotion, I need to get a bigger car, whatever, right, we have this kind of map. And he said you really limit yourself if you are only sticking to the map yes, agreed. And if you get sad, if you go off the map, so to speak, or if you get, if you throw an adult tantrum or if you start getting depressed because you didn't, something didn't happen the way you wanted it to. He said you don't prescribe one version of success to yourself, because you really don't know what is setting you up for the next thing. And so if we're looking at a valley, so to speak, or a failure, or a veer, or a detour, as a failure, we're really it's a very short-term vision, we're not really thinking long-term and we're not doing what you're saying, which is expanding the mind, expanding the possibilities, giving us more options, more ways to succeed.

Speaker 2: 27:09

And sometimes this setback is setting you up for the bounce back right. You don't always have to look at a setback as a failure. Maybe those were the lessons that you really really needed in order to keep moving forward. I mean, it's not all going to be a calm road or no bumps in the road. You're going to, naturally, especially if you want to keep living and not be on the autopilot. You're going to run into issues, flaws, mistakes, obstacles, and this is where you keep going and you learn right. And it gets harder when we get older because we think that at our point, everything should be perfect.

Speaker 1: 27:44

Oh gosh. And as I get, oh let me finish that sentence oh gosh, it isn't. And oh gosh, it doesn't have to be perfect. And as I get older, when I reflect, I think, oh my gosh, like that difficult year really gave me some good skills and now I'm way stronger. And this is not. I don't mean to sound cliche, like God only gives you what he can handle or whatever. I don't mean to sound. No, I just said God only gives you what he can handle. God only gives you what you can handle. I don't mean to sound. I just said God only gives you what he can handle. God only gives you what you can handle. I don't mean to sound cliche in that, but I truly retrospectively think that really prepped me for today.

Speaker 2: 28:31

The trials are what you need sometimes right. They really do give you that meat. That's how we build strength. Yeah, yeah, okay that meat. That's how we build strength, yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:39

Yeah, okay, would you be willing to lead us through, like a little brief micro NLP experience? Oh my God, can we do that?

Speaker 2: 28:49

I'm not sure. It takes a little bit longer than what we have. What would be a tool, or what would be a question that you would ask somebody. I would say take a step out of the box, out of yourself, and what would be your perfect happiness? What would that look like?

Speaker 1: 29:14

Okay, and then they would answer this is what I want. Okay. So hold on, hold on, hold on, I'm going to do it. You're going to ask me, okay, okay my perfect happiness.

Speaker 2: 29:24

What's?

Speaker 1: 29:24

your perfect happiness. Do you want me to answer out?

Speaker 2: 29:26

loud. No, you don't have to okay. This is just like a very tip of the iceberg of a client intake form okay, listen, I'm about to tell you my perfect.

Speaker 1: 29:33

I'm just kidding, it's a lot deeper than that, just kidding.

Speaker 2: 29:37

Jk, jk, jk so what would be your perfect happiness? And you would answer, and then I would say what is stopping you from that? So I would want to get your obstacles. How do you feel about yourself?

Speaker 1: 29:50

Okay.

Speaker 2: 29:54

And then when I say how do you feel about yourself, I start to get resistance. I start to get people that are saying, well, I don't really want to tell you, because the traumas that I have you don't know. Nobody else has ever experienced this. I actually had a client that was like the traumas that I have. No one else has experienced these traumas.

Speaker 1: 30:16

They start to not in a bad way, but defend themselves like get protective of themselves.

Speaker 2: 30:20

Yes, and there's also something called the crazy eight eight pattern, which a lot of people are on. This is a tony robbins coin pattern which is what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 2: 30:28

Um, so there are people that and you may encounter this in your therapy they are angry, so they are just an angry person, and then, on the crazy eight pattern, they go from angry then they flip it, and then they get sad, and then they're sad and they you, somebody else will try to help them, and then they bounce back to angry, and it's a crazy eight loop. We probably have some other terminology.

Speaker 1: 30:53

There's something similar in the work that I do. It's called emotionally focused therapy, eft, where it looks like an infinity sign. Yes, it's the same thing.

Speaker 2: 31:02

And sometimes they will defend their right to be angry or their right to be sad, because that is their identity. And you are trying to collapse their identity or poke through their identity. You're trying to shake the purse, so to speak. Right, we're doing the purse thing. So that is shaking them to their core and they don't want to be shook. That's the identity, that's what. That's what makes them feel like they have the attention from others, because they're like, oh, poor you, and but what they really want is connection.

Speaker 1: 31:32

Yes, am I a therapist or what? Is there a therapist in the room?

Speaker 2: 31:36

yes, right, they want that connection. So so with the crazy eight pattern, we shake them into going up instead of going back and forth from looping.

Speaker 1: 31:46

And that's a wrap on today's episode of Couch Time with Cat. I'm so grateful you joined me here, whether you were walking, driving or curled up with a cup of something warm. I hope today's conversation left you feeling just a little more connected to yourself and a little less alone in whatever you're walking through. If you'd like to connect with me, you can find me at Cat that's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-M dot com, or over on Instagram at Cat Hernandez-Hollam. I'd love to hear your thoughts, your questions or what this episode stirred in you. If we had a guest on today's episode, you can find all their links and info in the show notes. Please support their work and follow along. If they resonated with you and if this episode meant something to you, would you please take a moment to rate, review and share it with a friend. These stories matter. Your voice matters. Until next time, be kind to yourself.