Internal Family Systems with Marisa Garcia

Welcome! To become a client, visit catiaholm.com or call 956-249-7930.

We explore Internal Family Systems with Marisa Garcia, mapping managers, firefighters, and exiles while centering the calm of Self. A real-life partner moment shows two paths: reactivity or repair, with a one-minute practice to meet parts with compassion.

• IFS as a compassionate map of the inner world
• Origins in Dr Richard Schwartz’s work and trauma-informed care
• Parts 101: managers, firefighters, and exiles
• Self versus self-like parts and why agenda matters
• Perfectionism as a once-helpful strategy that needs new roles
• Partner conflict slowed down with parts awareness
• A one-minute daily practice to meet parts
• How to connect with Marisa and begin sessions

Show Guest: 

Marisa Garcia is a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach, Neurodiversity-Informed Mentor, a Level 3 IFS Practitioner and a systems and industrial engineer. 

Her personal healing journey has led her to explore and integrate a range of therapeutic modalities, all rooted in compassion and clarity. Today, she supports individuals and families in deepening their connection to themselves and each other through a heart-centered, trauma-informed lens.

Marisa is also a lifelong learner, a mother navigating neurodiversity, a wife, an athlete, and an artist—all of which inform her rich and relatable approach to healing.

Connect with Marisa at marisagmtz@gmail.com
or follow her on Instagram at @cons.cious.ly

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Show Purpose
• 1:22 Introducing Internal Family Systems
• 2:52 Origins And Core Ideas Of IFS
• 3:50 Guest Introduction: Marisa Garcia
• 5:06 Why IFS Beyond Talk Therapy
• 11:29 What Are Parts In Daily Life
• 16:21 Perfectionism And Befriending Parts
• 18:06 Self Versus Self-Like Parts
• 22:01 Real-Life Partner Conflict Example
• 27:44 Firefighters And Emotional Overwhelm
• 30:32 One-Minute Practice To Meet Parts
• 32:26 How To Connect With Marisa
• 34:14 Closing Reflections And Calls

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for real conversation and a gentle check-in. KWVH presents Couch Time with Cat.

Speaker: 0:10

Hi friends, and welcome to Couch Time with Cat, mental wellness with a friendly voice. I'm Cat, therapist, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and endurance athlete. But most of all, I'm a wife, mama, and someone who deeply believes that people are good and healing is possible. Here in the Hill Country of Wimberley, Texas, I've built my life and practice around one purpose: to make mental wellness feel accessible, compassionate, and real. This show is for those moments when life feels heavy, when you're craving clarity, or when you just need to hear. You're not alone. Each week we'll explore the terrain of mental wellness through stories, reflections, research, and tools you can bring into everyday life. Think of it as a conversation between friends, rooted in science, guided by heart, and grounded in the belief that healing does not have to feel clinical. It can feel like sitting on a couch with someone who gets it. So whether you're driving, walking, cooking, or simply catching your breath, you're welcome here. This is your space to feel seen, supported, and reminded of your own strength. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in. A part of me feels one way, but another part of me feels something else. What if that wasn't just a figure of speech, but a real mappable system inside you? Today on Couchtime with Cat, we're exploring internal family systems, or IFS, a beautiful, compassionate way of understanding your inner world and how healing your inner system changes how you live, love, and lead. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about internal family systems. A few years ago, someone asked me, Hey, what if the voice inside my head isn't the whole me? What if it's just a part? And I remember sitting with that question for days. Because if that's true, maybe all the parts inside me. The perfectionist, the warrior, the inner critic weren't broken. Maybe they were just trying to help. And that question eventually led me to parts work. It's something I use every week in my private practice, and it's rooted in internal family systems. IFS for short. Today we're pulling back the curtain on IFS. What it is, how it works, and why it's one of the most hopeful, healing models I've ever seen. Internal Family Systems was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. It's based on the idea that the mind is naturally multiple. And that's not a flaw. It's actually our design. In IFS, we all have parts, and we also have a core self that's calm, compassionate, and curious, amongst other things. From a neuroscience perspective, IFS aligns beautifully with trauma-informed care. When we listen to our parts without judgment, we downregulate the nervous system, we restore a sense of inner safety, and increase access to our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for empathy, insight, and decision making. IFS doesn't pathologize our defenses. It gets curious about them. And that curiosity can be transformational. My guest today is Marisa Garcia, founder of Consciously in McCallan, Texas. Marisa is a certified conscious parenting coach, neurodiversity-informed mentor, and a level three IFS practitioner. Her healing journey led her to study multiple therapeutic modalities, and today she brings a compassionate approach to helping people find clarity and connection within themselves and their relationships. She identifies as a lifelong learner, a mother navigating neurodiversity, a wife, an athlete, and an artist. You can connect with Marisa on at her email, which we'll share later in the show notes, or on social media, which we'll also share in the show notes. Hi Marisa! Bienvenida. Bienvenida, amiga.

Speaker 1: 4:44

Muchas gracias.

Speaker: 4:45

Oh my god, I'm so glad to have you here. Thank you for being a guest on Couch Time with Cat.

Speaker 1: 4:52

Oh, thank you for having me. This is so special. It all started on a walk on the beach together.

Speaker: 4:58

I know. I know. Wow. What a good um, what a good reminder of that. Okay, let's get started. How would you describe IFS to someone who's never heard of it?

Speaker 1: 5:09

Well, IFS, how did I find IFS? IFS found me when I was seeking uh something further beyond my mind to understand myself. So I have a strong mental part that since I was 14, 15, started going to therapy, trying to make sense of my life, my challenges. And when I hit my mid-40s, I felt that my mind got to a point where it understood many things, but something was missing deep inside of me of having a better relationship with myself. So, how would I describe IFS as an as an alternative to your healing journey that sees yourself as that the mind is just one part of you? You have so many more dimensions that are not explored. And I don't know if this sounds confusing, but there's something inside of you that always says, What if why do I feel this way? Why do I have this sensation in my gut? Why do I have a tight throat while I'm speaking? Why does my back hurt every Monday morning or after I just got home from a long trip? Why, when I uh approach my parents, I feel so different inside of me, and I feel like a little girl, and this the mind cannot make sense of it. But this is all like energetic urges we have that is like, what's going on here? So IFS, I started seeing like, whoa, what if if all of these are parts that live inside of me and they're trying to tell me something, and they are deep rooted in my past. So that's how I started getting curious and seeing, like, hmm, I've done therapy for 30 plus years, Catya, and of course it's it has gotten me to a certain point, and it has been so helpful. I I wouldn't have done it without it. So I'm not disregarding talk therapy, but it got to a point in my 40s that I said I knew there was more. Why am I feeling anxious every single morning? Why do I feel like a robot sometimes? Why am I acting a certain way around my husband, around my children, around my parents? And the mind cannot cannot make sense of this. You get to a point that like you're stuck or you're going in circles. It feels like you're eating your brain. So then I'm curious. Like, uh, let me try something complementary. I'm not gonna stop my talk therapy, but let me explore. Let me explore and play a little bit with other modalities that can enrich my healing journey. And it was when I I lost my brother and I was grieving uh after his loss that I said, you know, I think it's time. I think it's time to understand, understand what my brother went through and understand his life and see if I can understand my grief. And I said, you know, let me start reading about this. And I as I started reading, it made total sense to me. But then life just didn't want me to read and receive therapy. Life opened the doors for me to study it formally with the IFS Institute, and it has been a beautiful uh four-year-long journey for me. That I mean, it has been the most powerful uh therapeutic modality I can tell you that that's why I I didn't just want to live it myself. I did I wanted to formally study it and now offer it to others, you know.

Speaker: 9:26

Gosh, listener, I need you to know that I've known Marisa, I don't know, four or five years. Tangentially, she and I have never had a pajama party or anything like that. But the love I feel for her is wild. Like I just, I just have so much love for you. And um her energy, if you ever get the chance to be around this woman, this woman's energy is unmatched. I mean, she is like God, I can't even explain it. You you just have the you radiate love, you radiate love, and I'm gonna cry. I'm like, I'm gonna cry just listening to you talk about how you found IFS. So um, just for a little context, Marisa and I met because we were both um in Dr. Shafali Sabari's conscious parenting program, and we both became certified conscious parenting coaches. I forget the name sometimes because it's been so long.

Speaker 1: 10:29

I don't use that much anymore. It's been so long.

Speaker: 10:31

So she and I got certified. She was, I think, in the cohort after mine. I was cohort two, she was cohort three. Now they're on cohort 88, who knows? But we were the original clan. And um, she and I are from the same place. We're from South Texas, we're from the Rio Gran Valley, and we're both Mexican, and we were both raised Catholic. Oh, yeah. And so we have, and we're both moms and wives, and so we have just these overlapping themes in our lives. So as you're listening to her today, know that I wouldn't put somebody in front of you who I don't absolutely trust, and she is she is the most trustworthy. So thank you, Marisa.

Speaker 1: 11:22

I love you too. I love you. This is a gift to be with you.

Speaker: 11:25

Yeah, okay. You talked about parts. What type of parts do people typically notice? Give me an give me a little 101 on parts. What's a part?

Speaker 1: 11:39

Okay, so how how do we go through our day? Okay, so let's say I'm gonna I'm gonna use my life as an example. So, yeah, like you said, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I have a private practice. Um, I don't have family in Texas, so you know, I don't have all those extra hands that can support me. So I have all these manager parts supporting me through my day, that they have all this information on what is needed, and they're just trying to keep everything at bay so I can be in this managerial energy, you know, supporting my kids, making sure everything's covered at home. My husband travels quite a bit, so sometimes I'm I'm you know, a single mom for those days. And um, I also have school things happening, and I also have a private practice that I hold my clients. So, what happens? I check my agenda every morning or every week, and all of these parts kick in and say, How are we gonna support you, Marisa? So you can pull this off. Okay. So, with your clients, what's needed? Who do you have in your office or who do you have remote? Okay, kind of know what's their stories. Okay, so what tools do you need to bring to the table to support this person? Those are parts, Catia. What tools do you need to bring to the table for your kid that is dysregulated this morning and has to go to school and he's just not wanting to go to school because he has a math test and he hates math. So, what comes up? Okay, I'm gonna be a teacher to my kid, and I'm gonna just try and be as a cheerleader and as a supporter. Those are parts. That's not Marisa. Those are parts of Marisa that have helped me throughout my life to overcome the challenges and not feel these intense emotions of feeling lost, feeling out of control, feeling that I don't belong, or I'm not loved, or I'm a failure. So I don't want to feel that I'm a failure as a mom. So I'm gonna bring up all these tools that have supported me through 43 years. Those are parts. So I usually we identify with parts as our personality. That's me. That's my personality, and this is the this is the shift, the game changer. What if that is not your personality? What if these are just adaptative parts, traits that support you and that mean well, but that's not you. That's not you. You are bigger, more expansive than those personalities or traits. Does that make sense?

Speaker: 14:44

It does make sense. It sounds like they're like like a little army of helpers that come in and say, okay, this is what she's got to do, and they have your best interest in mind. They're trying to protect you and they're trying to help you along. And sometimes those parts act in ways that end up in good outcomes, but sometimes those parts act in ways that end up in bad outcomes for your life. So they become maladaptive, like they hurt more than they help.

Speaker 1: 15:20

With time, they get so good at their jobs, they're great at what they do. So let's talk about perfectionism, okay?

Speaker: 15:29

Yes, let's.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Yeah, you and I we identify with that. Yes. Uh-huh. So perfectionism got me through my, you know, adolescence, college years, beginning of my motherhood. Like, I got so fixated. But it got to a point that perfectionism started choking me, and I did feel like, whoa, I've stopped enjoying life. I'm just so caught up on all these little things that always need fulfillment. That then the volume of perfectionism, the intensity of perfectionism, it started, you know, being so limiting to your life. So that's what IFS does. It won't get rid of parts, it will support you on your journey to lower the intensity of parts and you learning to have a relationship with them. What does that mean? You befriend them. They are just your common friend. You know them. You would develop a dialogue with them, you feel them. So you use all your senses, Catya, to get to know your parts. You get to hear them because they're voices. You get to feel them. It's a it's a somatic therapeutic model as well. So sometimes you just you have a tummy ache. Or I used to have three years ago something here in my neck and back, and it wouldn't go away until I really understood it. Was a part that was terrified of change. And it was just holding me so, so, so tight, screaming for help. So you develop a way of understanding them through your senses, which is how do they speak to you? How do how do they feel like, or if there's some sense of emotion or charge in your body? So you also feel their charge in your body, but you develop this throughout your IFS journey.

Speaker: 17:46

A language, yeah, a shared language.

Speaker 1: 17:50

Exactly.

Speaker: 17:51

In IFS, there's parts work, and that's all there's also the self, the capital S self. Can you tell us a little bit about what that is?

Speaker 1: 18:03

So the self, and there are self-like parts as well. So self means when you're in a state, just a state of creativity, confidence, calm, connection with yourself. There's self-like parts as well. That those are like the therapeutic parts we you and I use a lot.

Speaker: 18:34

This is confusing, the self-like part.

Speaker 1: 18:36

So for confusing, because for we can think like, oh, I'm calm. Yes, you're you're so in your head, still, you know. So self is when you feel in flow, when you feel in harmony, even though you can observe all the things that are happening inside of you, but there's a container that can listen, that can relate, that can be so compassionate to them. So I always ask my client, how do you feel towards your perfectionism? And when my client says, I just want to fix it, that's a part, it has an agenda. Self will not have an agenda. Self will say, I just understand it. I feel, I know what it what it's trying to do. I I feel so much compassion. That's self. Does this make sense?

Speaker: 19:41

It does make sense. Okay I have a question. Do you feel like self is a container and the parts are inside the container? Is that how you would describe it?

Speaker 1: 19:51

Yes.

Speaker: 19:52

Okay.

Speaker 1: 19:53

That's a great metaphor.

Speaker: 19:54

Okay.

Speaker 1: 19:55

Yeah. And self is indestructible. You were you're born with it, it was never created and can never be destroyed. And it can take everything, Catya. Everything, even our deepest, deepest pain and trauma. Self will never be shattered.

Speaker: 20:20

A part will be shattered, but sad.

Speaker 1: 20:25

And self repairs, repairs, repairs, repairs our inner system. And it just and it offers to our because we haven't talked about our most vulnerable, exiled parts. These are the parts that once upon a time, as we were young, got so hurt, felt so alone, felt so misunderstood that nobody held them at that moment in time. And throughout IFS therapy, as self relates to these younger parts that are the most vulnerable, self offers to those parts what they have been needing for all these years, and they never got in the external world. So that's self. And it's very felt, it's not in the mind, it's very felt.

Speaker: 21:23

You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about internal family systems. If you have a question you'd like to ask anonymously, you can call or text 956-249-7930, and I will answer it on the show. So, Marisa, we've talked about parts, our exile part, our most tender, vulnerable parts, and then we've talked about the self. Let's bring it into real life for a second, like a real life moment. What might it look like for us to use IFS in a moment of let's say emotional overwhelm when we're parenting? Actually, let's go with a partner. Because I know you and I are going to do another show on parenting. So let's go. You're in a moment of emotional overwhelm with a partner. How do we slow it down and bring IFS? What would be a real life slowdown?

Speaker 1: 22:25

So, as I hear you, I mean, what's coming up for me is this morning with my husband. Bless his soul. But we're gonna use that as an example. So this morning, we woke up early in the morning and uh we decided to go for a run together. Easy, an easy run just to check in, you know, before our day started. And he told me, hey, what's for lunch? I he takes a lunchbox every morning to his office. Okay, so I told him, Hey, honey, he usually travels, so there's one or two days that I use as we're just gonna get out of the fridge, whatever's leftovers. Today's leftover day. Okay, so yeah, yesterday he had soup. And I told him, so you're having soup again, honey. Guess what happened? Why, Mexican man? So, what did what came up for my parts?

Speaker: 23:39

I know what came up for your parts. Oh, what do you guess? How dare you! I work so hard, you're so entitled. Or again, are those my parts?

Speaker 1: 23:50

The critical part, the critical part. Oh I mean, Marisa, you have some frozen food there, you can switch it up.

Speaker: 23:58

Like, you had a critical. I went to my parts, would have been like what no, your parts were critical.

Speaker 1: 24:06

Oh my critical part came kicked in. Oh, poor man. How can you be uh just a loving wife? But here comes all the Mexican now. We also have cultural and family burdens that these come up in therapy, so we have to check in like if it's this the collective energy, or is this my mom's energy? Like, I need to give this back to whom it belongs. This also comes up in session, it's beautiful because you can make sense, like, whoa, maybe 50 is my mom's voice. Let me just clear that out of the way. Now I can work on my personal burdens. Okay, so while I was running, I just kept silent and all this kicked in, okay, during the run. And I said, Okay, I have a frozen milanesa. You know what milanesa is, Catina? Yes. Okay. So I have a frozen milanesa in my fridge, and I have, you know, some steamed vegetables that I can just throw in there and put it in a Tupperware in no time. He has a new lunch, so this is my perfectionist part, uh, the the planner organizer that I have there that is trying to calm down the critic. So they they create alliances.

Speaker: 25:30

Okay. Wow, so interesting.

Speaker 1: 25:33

And then came the the part that it's like, you're not enough. In his size, you're not enough. How can you fix this? I could eat soup again, I don't care. God damn, until it finishes. Like, I have better things to do today. So all this came up during my run, and then a sense, this is our these are the deeper wounded parts in me of you're not enough, you know. Oh, you could do better. He would love you more if you gave him a new menu. This is the complacency. This is, but this goes back to my childhood how I overcompensated to earn love and belonging. So, all these this is a perfect example of the managers that were just trying to solve and lowering the voice of the critic so it could be bearable. Then the deeper childhood stuff that came up, and after the run finished, okay, here you go. You have two options.

Speaker: 26:50

Do you want to take I am on pins and needles? I'm like, what did she do?

Speaker 1: 26:54

Do you want to take the soup? If not, I'll eat it. I'm happy just reheating the soup. Or I have milanesa for you. Guess what he took? The milanesa. He liked it. He took the milanesa, so it's like, yes, these parts are great, they're problem solvers, and they keep my big emotions at bay so I didn't feel that I was not good enough.

Speaker: 27:24

See? You are advanced. Okay, that's a beautiful example of somebody who can use it and slow down. I want to, for the listener, give them an example of what it would look like if a firefighter took over.

Speaker 1: 27:43

Yeah.

Speaker: 27:44

Okay.

Speaker 1: 27:44

So a firefighter, imagine I will start screaming to myself.

Speaker: 27:48

A firefighter, just for clarity, is a part of you that is trying to help you avoid discomfort. And they will go to any lengths to help you avoid discomfort. Okay. So now he asks you.

Speaker 1: 28:03

Let's go back. What's for lunch? Let's go back to the scene. What's for lunch? Yeah. Soup, honey, the same as yesterday. He's like, Really? Soup? Uh, and oh, and he told me, I rather, I rather just uh buy something out there. I rather just buy myself lunch. So this huge emotion of I'm not good enough kicks in and it starts steering inside of me, and I start hating him.

Speaker: 28:35

Yes.

Speaker 1: 28:37

Because I'm feeling so bad at myself, and it's so unbearable and uncomfortable to sit there. I feel like I'm I'm worth nothing. That then I start lashing out at him. You're so ungrateful. You should see my friends. They never cook for their husbands. You live in America. Come on, we've lived here for 15 years. You're not in Mexico. You know? How dare you? I do all this for you and you never appreciate me. So these are the firefighters. They're just trying to lower the pain that I'm feeling. Yes.

Speaker: 29:19

Yes. Quickly. Yes. Quickly.

Speaker 1: 29:22

Without being cautious of the harm. Like a fire is put out. You're never taking care of the of the building. You just want to put out the fire, and you don't know the damage you're going to cause. You don't know the damage it's going to cause to my relationship, to my husband. What day is he going through? Poor man. He's going through other stuff.

Speaker: 29:44

So his parts parts, too.

Speaker 1: 29:49

His parts don't want soup. Okay. So my firefighter, that's the firefighter. That's the difference. It's the aggressive side, is the one that wants to quickly. Turn off the flames that are burning inside of me of these young and vulnerable parts.

Speaker: 30:06

God, I love that. That's such a it's such a relatable example. And to see it go, you know, you can take the fork in the road. To see it go one way and to see an example of it going another, I think is very powerful. For someone who's listening and who's curious about exploring IFS more, what's one small step they can take today to get to know their parts?

Speaker 1: 30:31

The simplest way, Catya, if you can just close your eyes, and it will take one minute and turn the attention inwardly. Okay? And just observe and notice, use your senses, observe and notice what are you thinking, what are you feeling, and what body sensations are surrounding you right now, and you be the observer of them. So you're gonna notice a ton of stuff coming up, and these parts may get very excited because nobody has given them the container, the time, the curiosity, the openness, and they're all gonna be raising their hands. Me too, me too, me too. And you're gonna feel a bombardment or listen to a bombardment of voices inside of you. Just notice. And then comes okay. Now we're gonna learn to have a relationship with them one by one. One by one. They have to give space because all of them want you at the same time.

Speaker: 31:42

They've all been waiting to be heard.

Speaker 1: 31:44

Oh yeah.

Speaker: 31:46

You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we've been talking about internal family systems and how getting to know your parts might just be the most loving thing you can do for yourself. And if you have a question, you can call or text 956-249-7930. You can ask the question anonymously, and I will answer it on a future show. Marisa, thank you so much for being here and helping us get a get an understanding at base level of what IFS is and how we can use it in our lives. If listeners want to connect with you, where can they reach out to you?

Speaker 1: 32:25

Well, I have a social media account on Instagram, uh, just very basic. They can send me a message through there or my email, Catia. You can send it here and happy, happy to connect.

Speaker: 32:37

How do we book a session with you?

Speaker 1: 32:39

Oh, it's super easy. It's super easy. I'll just send uh if they reach out, I'll send a calendarly link and they can just look at my schedule, look at their schedule, and as easy as that, you know, for the first thing is to get to know each other because everything starts with safety, and you must feel safe around the energy I can offer. Because at the beginning, it's uh it's an alliance, you know, between my energy and your energy. And uh that's the first session. It's really getting to know each other and see if we are a good match. I mean, to just get to know get to work together. And what I really teach my clients is that this is gonna be a skill you're gonna develop for the rest of your life. And this is gonna be uh something that will stay with you so you can have a healthier relationship within yourself. Okay, beautiful, and then with others, because as you understand your system, you start seeing others as a system, your your partner, your your colleagues at work, your boss, the teacher of your kids, your kids. I mean, we all we we operate with parts. That's how we survive. We're gonna have them our whole life. So wow.

Speaker: 34:04

Wow, that's so profound and so beautiful. Listener, here's the truth I want to leave you with. You are a system of stories, protectors, and possibilities, and you are deeply lovable. Thank you for spending this time with me. If something from today's conversation resonated, or if you're in a season where support would help, visit me at gattheahollam.com. That's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-M.com. You can also leave an anonymous question for the show by calling or texting. 956-249-7930. I'd love to hear what's on your heart. If Couch Time with Cat has been meaningful to you, it would mean so much if you'd subscribe, rate, and leave a review. It helps others find us and it grows this community of care. And if you know someone who needs a little light right now, send them this episode. Remind them they're not alone. Until next time, be gentle with yourself. Keep showing up and know I'm right here with you.