Leading With Heart, featuring Amanda Ebner

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We sit with Amanda Ebner, St. Stephen's Episcopal's Head of School, to explore how empathy, follow-through, and honest feedback create safety for students, staff, and families. Stories from Germany, South Korea, and Texas show how culture becomes care and why belonging beats perfection.

• defining culture as daily safety for kids, parents, and staff
• co-regulation and why safety unlocks learning
• Amanda’s journey from military spouse to head of school
• earning trust through consistency and follow-through
• what diverse cultures teach about autonomy and support
• military transition counseling and advocacy for families
• measuring success by belonging, not report cards
• practical habits for confident kids and calm classrooms
• strong boundaries that protect the greater good
• the case against screens and clear school policies
• leadership playbook: listen, invite feedback, act with courage

Show Guest: 

Amanda Ebner is an educator, school leader, and counselor whose work is rooted in a deep love for children, families, and the relationships that help them thrive. With a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from the University of Maryland and a Master of Science in Guidance and Counseling from the University of West Alabama, Amanda has spent her career walking alongside students through the academic, emotional, and social milestones of growing up.

Her professional journey has taken her across the globe. She completed her counseling supervision with the Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA) at Kaiserslautern High School in Germany and later served as a school counselor at both Kaiserslautern High School and Seoul American Middle and High School in South Korea. In these roles, she supported military-connected students and families navigating cultural transitions, adolescence, and the complexities of life overseas.

Throughout her career, Amanda has served in a wide range of educational roles — including kindergarten teacher, school administrator, Military Transition Coordinator with the Military Child Education Coalition, and now Head of School at St. Stephen’s Episcopal School in Wimberley, a role she began in July 2019. Under her leadership, the school has experienced significant growth while remaining grounded in its commitment to relationship-centered education and whole-child development.

As a military spouse and mother of three daughters, Amanda brings both profes

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for real conversation and a gentle check-in.

Speaker 1 0:06

KWVH presents Couch Time with Cat. Hi friends, and welcome to Couch Time with Cat, mental wellness with a friendly voice. I'm Cat, therapist, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and endurance athlete. But most of all, I'm a wife, mama, and someone who deeply believes that people are good and healing is possible. Here in the Hill Country of Wimberley, Texas, I've built my life and practice around one purpose to make mental wellness feel accessible, compassionate, and real. This show is for those moments when life feels heavy, when you're craving clarity, or when you just need to hear, you're not alone. Each week we'll explore the terrain of mental wellness through stories, reflections, research, and tools you can bring into everyday life. Think of it as a conversation between friends, rooted in science, guided by heart, and grounded in the belief that healing does not have to feel clinical. It can feel like sitting on a couch with someone who gets it. So whether you're driving, walking, cooking, or simply catching your breath, you're welcome here. This is your space to feel seen, supported, and reminded of your own strength. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in. What does it take to lead through transition? Not just survive it, but even maybe thrive in it. Today I'm talking with educator, counselor, military spouse, and school leader Amanda Ebner, whose work is all about connection, trust, and human growth. We'll explore how relationships shape success, how families find resilience and change, and how leadership rooted in empathy transforms schools and lives. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. Thank you for being here. Listener, imagine moving across countries, uprooting routines, leaving friends, learning new cultures. Not once, but multiple times. Now add the complexity of adolescence for yourself and for your children. That is not a hypothetical for my guest today. It is part of her lived experience. As a military spouse and mother of three, Amanda Ebner has stood alongside families navigating change, emotional growth, and the daily work of raising resilient kiddos. She's been a counselor in Germany and South Korea. Oh my gosh. A kindergarten teacher, a military transition coordinator, and now the head of school at St. Stephen's Episcopal School in Wimberley, where she guides families, educators, and students through the long journeys of learning and becoming. And this episode could easily be about accolades, but it's not. I'm going to shape it and we're going to dive into the heart of her leadership, the courage of care, and the beauty of the relationships she builds. Before we bring Amanda on, I want to touch something. I want to touch on something in science that tells us humans are wired for co-regulation and connection. When kiddos or adults feel safe and seen and understood, our nervous systems literally open the door to learning and growth. When families feel validated and not judged, our brains release chemicals like oxytocin, and that supports trust and memory and emotional regulation. This matters especially when people are navigating transitions like moving across the world, starting a new school, or entering adolescence. Because during change, our nervous systems are telling us, are we safe? Long before our minds even catch up. Amanda's work sits right at that intersection of heart and relationships. I'm so honored, honored to welcome today's guest, an educator, counselor, mentor, and school leader whose life has been dedicated to connection and growth. Y'all listen to this. Amanda Ebner holds a bachelor's in psychology and a master's in guidance and counseling. She has supported students and families across continents, from Kaiserslautern, Germany to Seoul, South Korea, helping them navigate cultural transition, emotional development, and belonging. Today she serves as head of school at St. Stephen's Episcopal School in Wimberley, where she leads with empathetic insight, relational wisdom, and a deep commitment to families and learners. She's also squirming because I'm complimenting her so much. She is somebody I deeply, deeply admire, and I know you're going to adore her. Amanda!

Speaker 4:54

Hello! Hi, welcome to Couch Time with Cat. Yes. You know, you said like your heart rate drops and you feel good. And I don't know. I have a hard time with all the positives. So thanks. That was so sweet.

Speaker 1 5:06

I know it can be hard to receive lots of sweetness.

Speaker 5:10

Yeah, so thank you.

Speaker 1 5:10

But I believe it all.

Speaker 5:11

Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 1 5:12

Yeah. So your career has taken you across classrooms, counseling offices, military bases, and now a school community. And I want to begin a little bit with your personal journey. Is that okay? Yeah. Okay. When you first stepped into a classroom, what drew you there?

Speaker 5:33

So kind of backing up a little bit. So when my husband joined the army, he joined for occupational therapy. And so he was in graduate school. And we had two little girls at the time. And so I had started college and then stopped and was focusing on being a mom and making sure he was good. And so we moved to Washington, D.C. And I had a four-year-old and a two-year-old. And I was like, okay, I now need to start school back because I wanted my girls to know that you can still be a mom, you can still go to school, you can, you know, still do all the things. So I started my bachelor's degree when we were in DC online with the University of Maryland. And then from DC, we moved to San Antonio. And then from San Antonio we went to Germany and had my third daughter before we went to Germany. And we were never around family. And so the hardest thing for me as a mom was trusting. It was so big. You move all the time, you have to find the babysitters, you have to find people to trust just to go on a date night. And so Chris and I, you know, we we really had a hard time finding that. And so when I chose to go back to school, I wanted to do something that I could do around my kids' schedule. So my girls shaped my choosing of a career because I did not want to put them on the back burner because we moved so much. So I started as an actual preschool teacher.

Speaker 1 7:03

Oh, you did.

Speaker 7:04

Four years old, four-year-old, and loved it, and then moved into kindergarten. And then when we were in Germany, it was a long-term sub initially in a kindergarten classroom over there. And then I was like, I really like the social emotional piece. Um, and so then kind of transitioned to doing my master's in counseling, which ultimately got me to be a school counselor. But long, you know, story short, it was because I needed to connect with kids, military kids, that's all we kind of knew at that time. Um, you needed to be somebody that was loving and empathetic because they were moving and the parents needed to trust, you know, who that was. And so that's kind of how my career got started was I had to be with my girls, you know. And it's really hard. And you know, Chris was gone a lot. Sorry, um, Chris was gone a lot and worked a lot, and so a lot of that was on me, and so it wasn't worth finding something that I was paying for somebody to take care of my kids. So education seemed like a no-brainer.

Speaker 1 8:11

I also love that the connection piece that you as you were moving around, you you there was a void, you wanted to trust people with your kiddos, and I can confidently say that you have become somebody that leads a group of people, and parents trust you so implicitly now. Yeah. You became really what you what you needed at that time.

Speaker 8:41

Yes, and I I'm very proud of that, like super proud of that. Um, you know, I know we're kind of jumping on all over, but I think the the hardest time for parents was when COVID hit. And it kind of shut schools down, you know. And so um when I started at St. Stephen's in 2019, I didn't even get through a first school year. And we closed at spring break of 2020 of March. We did not go back. And then trying to, you know, create a new culture and who I am and what we're doing and and all the things. And then when school started back in August, the doors were shut. Parents couldn't come in. And so it was it it was a challenge. Um, but I am just me. Like I what you get is what you see, and what I say is what I do.

Speaker 1 9:35

And so that is such a dream, by the way, to be around somebody like that. Yeah.

Speaker 9:39

I mean, you know, it's like I promise I have your kids. If you have a question, let's talk through that, right? And so, um, but I also think it's seeing and doing are also just as important. So somebody can say things to you like, oh, we will make sure I will check in, you know, like kids have bad mornings. Hey, you know, Catia, I'm gonna check in and make sure Sam is okay today and I will let you know. You know I'm gonna do that. And so I'll be texting you or bright willing or you know, sending you anything. There's follow-through. And so it's a lot and it's exhausting. It was exhausting at the at the beginning. Um, but once you follow through with things, as with anything, it becomes routine, it becomes a habit, and it becomes an expectation. Um, and so that's just that's just how I live, you know.

Speaker 1 10:33

As you were working overseas, what did you learn about emotional development in terms of kiddos in culturally diverse settings? Have you found that that is different for different cultures, or does it kind of generally follow the same template?

Speaker 10:53

Uh it is very different. When we were in Germany um coming from America, uh at the time we had, trying to think the ages of my girls. So they were five, uh, nine, and eleven. And um, when we got over there, we were so used to, hey, you gotta hold our hand. We you gotta be in sight, you can't do this, you know, all the cants. You can't, you know, run, you can't be loud because the European culture, at least in Germany, the kids knew how to ride trains at five and six years old by themselves. They um, you know, go and eat by themselves. They just, it's very different. And so they're also not as loud. And so we had to teach our kids how to acclimate to the culture because we wanted to fit in there. Um, and then fast forward when you go to Seoul, South Korea, there was this saying when I took the job that moms particular had a name and they were called tiger moms. And I was appalled to be told that. I was like, that's rude, that's racist, like all the things. They consider themselves, they call themselves that.

Speaker 1 12:03

I mean, I say give me a definite like what is a tiger mom for listening to the.

Speaker 12:07

They're like helicopter parents, but more so academic driven. And so um, some can be positive, some could be negative. I will keep my opinions to myself. I still don't like to call them that, but I did see that. I mean, the Asian culture um in Seoul was very academic driven, and they did not support um mental health as much as the American population. So that was kind of a tricky new um thing for me to kind of navigate because as a counselor over there, that was part of my job. And so the high academics becomes high stress, becomes high mental health kind of concerns. Um, but they would never talk about it. And so it was really having those conversations singularly without the parents, with the kids, and giving them tools and outlets and things um to take care of themselves while they were still trying to excel academically. Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:08

Kind of leads me into my next question. So, as a military spouse and mom and a career woman, how did all that influence your supportive leadership? So, right now you're talking about a little bit how you were bringing your counseling ethos into maybe your American counseling ethos into Korea, and that was maybe not the greatest match at the time. How has your experience shaped how you lead now?

Speaker 13:39

Um, I really, really think it's from being around so many different people. Um, you had families that had multi-generations in their home. Um, you had kids that traveled to new countries every single weekend. And so you learned how to ask really specific questions on um, you know, getting information. What do y'all do? What's your traditions? What are your, you know, quirks and all the things? Um, and bringing that back to America with my own children and with the things that they really struggled with in transitions was really helpful when we finally came back. We were in Europe for four years, and when we came back, um, two of our daughters were in high school at the time. And so transitioning back into high school was a whole nother thing.

Speaker 1 14:25

Whoa, what a time to transition.

Speaker 14:27

Yeah, yes. Um, and so being able to have those conversations with the teachers, with the administration when we were enrolling, um, kind of led me to, you know, my next kind of career of military transition counselor, coordinator at the time.

Speaker 1 14:44

What is that? Can you can you tell us what that is a little bit?

Speaker 14:47

Yeah. So there's an organization up in Killeen, Texas, and it's called MSEC Military Child Education Coalition. And um, the job kind of fell on me. We were in Germany and and I applied for it when we were coming back. And what it is, is it's like a school counselor, except for your specific roles are to make sure you meet with every single student that's new that school year. And you make sure that you, you know, make sure their classes are good, you plug them into clubs, you check in with the families to make sure that they have all the resources that they need. Um, in high school, you help the kids that are fixing to transition to a different school. You make sure parents know, hey, you take your records with you. Hey, here's your four-year, you know, plan for high school. Um, we make sure that they have the accessibility to be able to try out for sports if they, you know, transition after sports um have already, you know, kind of started. And so it was a lot of advocating, a huge advocating um for incoming and outcoming schools, and also making sure parents were supported. Um, the military does a great job for service members. The kids sometimes are hard. They have school liaison officers on a lot of the bases, but there's just so many. And so, like my oldest daughter, she went to 11 schools before she graduated high school.

Speaker 1 16:08

Wow.

Speaker 16:09

11. Wow. So, you know, we we every four years we were moving, sometimes every two. And um, so it was really important to build relationships, Catia. Like, really, really have conversations with parents and administrators and and teachers and support people and athletic people. And between all of that and all of the moves, the number one thing that always held true was just being kind. Like, absolutely just being kind. Like if something's not going your way, the minute you raise your voice, you're kind of done. You know, the the um care kind of goes out the door. So even though there were a lot of things that were not fair, you have to still always be kind. And so that's one thing that we all hold very true.

Speaker 1 17:00

So man, that's such a hard lesson to learn. I mean, it takes people lifetimes to learn that. Yeah, and that was something that your family had to learn as a young family and learn it quick. Yes. Wow. Yeah. People talk about school culture, and sometimes that feels kitschy, like it's a slogan on the wall. But I know that at St. Stephen's you have created something magical. How do you define culture? Is that a word that you think about as a head of school?

Speaker 17:34

I think initially, I think anybody that runs a school or even runs probably anything with kids, you have to think about culture. And so, what is my definition of culture? So, my definition of culture is creating a space that is safe and welcoming for everybody. And by everybody, I mean the kids, the parents, the you know, contractors that are on campus, whatever that looks like, that is your culture. And so for me at St. Stephen's, um, it's been open for 30 plus years. And there's been, you know, six or seven heads of schools, and we've had great teachers come and go. Uh families come and go, but and come back. And come back. Um, and teachers come back, you know, and I think the beautiful thing that we have created, and I say we because as much as a lot of people try to give me credit for that, um, your culture is only as good as the people that are in it that buy into what you're trying to create. And so I have a beautiful, lovely staff. I have had a beautiful, lovely staff for six plus years. Even when I started, that was not the staff that I hired, but they all were amazing. Um, and so they buy into what we are trying to create. And what what is that, right? Um, kids need to be seen, they need to be heard, and they need to be loved, period. Um, I am not afraid to tell the kids Miss Emner loves you. Have a great day, whatever that, you know, whatever that is. Um and some people think that's strange and odd, but listen, I lead with my heart.

Speaker 1 19:18

So I can barely, I'm choking back tears. Um how do you help the staff feel welcome? How do you how do you help them feel like they matter? I know that you believe that at your core. So I that's probably just that that question may feel for you, just it's not a real thought because I know that you believe that at your core. But for a lot of people out there who are listening who are in leadership positions and maybe haven't thought of that particular perspective, how do you show that you value them?

Speaker 20:01

Well, I think for me is just being honest. I I mean, so many times I think people that are in um a leadership role or they are over teams or groups, I think sometimes they feel that they have to put on a leadership face all the time. That is not that is the furthest from the truth. Um, I think you have to be authentically you. Because if I were to show up at work and I were to put this, you know, face on every single day, knowing it's gonna be a hard day for whatever reason, people can read right through that. And I'm human and my staff is human, but I think this would probably be a better question for them. But I feel they know I care. So I'm constantly, are you okay? Do you need anything? And they genuinely know if they need something, they can ask.

Speaker 1 20:51

And you will follow through.

Speaker 20:52

And I will follow through. Um, and same with them. I we have created that culture where if I need something from them, they know I will come and ask them. And if they can or can't do it, they're they're in a safe place to be able to be like, oh Miss Epner, I can't do that. I'm too busy. Okay, great. Let me figure out how, you know, we can help get this done. Um so I I think just being involved. I mean, I'm in my office when I have to be, you know, there's those time of months where reports and all the things, but otherwise we're walking around and we're checking in, and you know, um you just have to be genuine. I like just genuine. And I kind of am trying to figure out what else to say, but I don't I don't know anything different than what I do.

Speaker 1 21:38

I know, I know you don't.

Speaker 21:40

It's a little hard, it's a little hard. I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 21:44

If I may, just add, I think I've seen all that and also just very hardworking, very thoughtful, very uh supportive. Um I have had I have been told no by Miss Ebner. And I was like, I like favoritism. I don't enjoy being told no by Miss Ebner. I really want special treatment. Like I really enjoy it. And so, um, but Miss Ebner was holding a boundary and I didn't like it. And I threw a tantrum in my little heart and I took some deep breaths and walked out. However, in that moment, Miss Ebner was really supporting one of her staff. And that is an example of a behind the scenes support that that staff member may or may never know about. But in a moment that was unseen to everybody else except for me and you, you had their back.

Speaker 22:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1 22:53

I was not happy about it, but you had their back.

Speaker 22:56

But okay, so but let's kind of change, let's let let me ask you a question now. But did you still feel love and heard and understood by me even when I had to say no?

Speaker 1 23:07

Yes. Okay. Of course. Of course.

Speaker 23:09

Then there you go.

Speaker 1 23:11

And I know that the the greater good. I know that you are making decisions for the greater good and not for my favoritism. Sure. So that's a real bummer for me. But so that is how you do it with staff. How do you do that with hundreds of students? And I know you know every single student's name.

Speaker 23:40

I get twins mixed up a little. Like if we're gonna be honest, there's a lot several sets. Yeah, there's a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 23:46

Um how do you do that with twins? With twins. I'm sorry. With with students. How do you help them feel seen and supported and loved? And not just when they get straight A's.

Speaker 23:59

Yeah. Um well I don't know who all has straight A's because I know them for who they are. Um it's really important for me to have great relationships with the kiddos. And by relationship, I mean they can come and talk to me and trust me. I check in on them, I compliment them, I say good morning to them every morning, um, walk in the hallways, out on the playground. When they talk to you, you have to actively listen. So if you ask a question like, oh, what do you have going on this weekend? Oh, I have a baseball game. Okay, great. Well, have a great Friday. Guess what? Come Monday, Miss Evner's gonna say, buddy, how was that baseball game this weekend? Did you do really well? Um, and so really trying to prioritize your brain if you're gonna ask a question to be able to circle back because that's the only way that they can start really being like, oh, Miss Evner actually really does care, you know, and she's not just gonna come and get me when I forgot a homework assignment or whatever, you know. Um so I think that's it. But again, that goes back to that should be decent humans. You know, children are little adults. And so if you want them to be their best, then in a school, we have to show up and be our best. And so that's the only way I can model that is by asking, you know, questions and circling back with them. Or if there's a worry or a concern or a suggestion, uh just make make sure you follow back. Follow follow back up with them and talk to them. It it changes it will change their world. It will change their world.

Speaker 1 25:45

Yes, yes, I know that to be true. It's so it's so transformative when you know a teacher or a head of school believes in you. The other day, one of my kids asked me, How did you how did you know you wanted to be a writer? I think is what she asked me. And I said, Well, my second grade teacher told me I was a good writer. And she gave me many opportunities to do that. By the fifth grade, I was in contests and and by my 40s I had written books. But that really all started with my dad was a huge influence, but also Mrs. Voss, my second grade teacher, she just said, You've got this girl, and I still h hold her in my heart. And that was when I was eight.

Speaker 26:36

Yep.

Speaker 1 26:37

And so these seeds that adults in our lives plant for us can really change the trajectory of where we go.

Speaker 26:46

Yes. Well, and so I'm so glad you brought that up because I think sometimes as parents, um, we forget that teachers are humans too, right? Like they have personal things going on at home or weekends or whatnot. And so um for teachers in general, regardless if you're at my school, a public school, wherever, I have worked in both. Um teachers have a really hard time sometimes, depending on what their circumstances. Um, they might not have a whole lot of money. They may be a first-year teacher and they go into a classroom, they don't have money to make it super cute and fun and pretty, or maybe they're not allowed to. And the hardest thing as a head of school or as an administrator was the judgment that comes from parents before they get to know who the teacher is, just by what's in their classroom, how they have it decorated. And if we were to stop and pull everything out of every single classroom and it just be stagnant desks, chairs, books, I guarantee you the teacher is still going to be just as amazing as they would be if they had couches and lamps and all the things. But the world has changed so much, Catya, where it's more of a visualization of what the perfect quote unquote classroom can look like. And people forget teachers don't make a lot of money. You know, I mean, they're at the beck and call for, you know, Amazon wish lists and all the things. But their main goal is to build beautiful relationships with your children for the short amount of time that they have them. And then don't get me started on the standardized testing and the pacing calendars and everything that a lot of the public teachers are up against a wall with. And they don't have the flexibility that other schools do. Specifically, I will say St. Stephen's. We have curriculum, we have goals that we set. Um, we do have, you know, two standardized tests that we take, one in the fall, one in the spring. But my teachers have the autonomy to be great teachers. Um, and that is worth its weight in gold.

Speaker 1 29:06

It sounds like success to you for a teacher-student relationship at St. Stephen's feels like a solid, safe, encouraging, supportive relationship.

Speaker 29:18

Yes.

Speaker 1 29:19

What does success look like to you or in general on a broader from a broader perspective for a student?

Speaker 29:27

Uh for me is to go out during lunch. Lunch is a big thing for me, and you see nobody sitting by themselves. Um, to show up to our field day, and everybody's cheering everybody on. Christmas programs, our talent show is coming up, and I have never hear a cry, you gotta stop. Because then I'm listening, I'm losing it over here. Um, you know, I mean, we have five-year-olds that hop up on the stage and it is the silliest, funniest, just quirkiest fun. And all 208 of our kids are down there. Yay! Woo! That is my success. That is how I measure success. I do not measure success of a report card. I don't. And and parents, you shouldn't either. You shouldn't. If your kid gets a C in the third grade on a spelling test, it's fine. It's fine.

Speaker 1 30:28

Listen, I used to give tours at the school and um as a volunteer, and a story that I would share with prospective families a lot, is that I saw one of these talent shows, and there was a young lady, and she did a trick. She got up there solo, brave. I think she was in Kinder. She did a trick listener where she made a toothpick disappear. I I I mean, she couldn't have been older than five, and I think she just put the toothpick in her pocket. I don't know, but she did some kind of abracadabra situation, and everybody roared. And I thought, what a gift to gosh, listener, this is tough to get through. To be able to have an environment where you are not afraid to be yourself. Rather, where you know you're gonna be encouraged to be yourself. There isn't a kid there who's thinking somebody's going to make fun of me. Yeah, that's not a thing. Yeah. So I've seen your version of success and it's the best. Oh man.

Speaker 31:44

It's the best.

Speaker 1 31:45

It's wow. Yeah, it's overwhelmingly touching. How do you help kiddos cultivate that confidence? Because to do that, there's work to be done before. I mean, to be confident enough to do that is one thing, but how how do teachers lay those tracks before?

Speaker 32:08

Um, I think encouraging words all the time. Um, I think going, well, you might not can do it yet. You hear yet a lot on campus. Um, you also hear try, you know, the biggest thing is the swings, right? Like those littles are getting on the swing, and it's like, I need you to push me. And it's like, okay, we're gonna try to do this first by yourself. So start kicking your legs and you, you know, one step at a time. And then a couple weeks in, you walk by that playground, Miss Edner, look, and they're so proud of themselves. So I think that is how we create just confident, brave kiddos is encouragement instead of, well, you're not doing that fast enough, or you're not, don't, don't, don't. They're trying, right? Um, or you know, kids that fall off of something. Oh, you did such a great job. Let's try that one more time. Just just the constant positive, right? And I know, no offense, listeners. Um sometimes it's like, oh, but you can't be positive all the time. That's true, that's fair, right? Um, but my motto, and I know you've heard me say this a lot, is even if it is a horrible, terrible, no good day, you always hear me say, I'm great. I'm great. Everything's fine. Those are the things that I say. Because if you say it out loud, then you feel it, and you you just switch your mindset.

Speaker 1 33:38

You start pointing your toes in that direction. Yes, you do. Yeah, so it's not you're not being denied, you're not in denial. You're saying to yourself, that's a way to say, ooh, this is tough, but you know what? I'm gonna turn this ship.

Speaker 33:51

And and my staff start saying it. And so I'm like, how's it going? It's great. I'm like, I've seen that face. Anything I can do to help? Nope, I'm good. Okay, great. And then I know, okay, in my mind, I need to go check on the fifth grade teacher because she said she was great and I know what that keyword is. Um, and so creating a space for teachers to know that they are unconditionally loved and taken care of is number one. Number two is then that creates a space for teachers to fully focus on loving, seeing, and educating the kids in their classroom. So it's a ripple effect. You know, if if we show up to work, you know, grumpy and complaining about everything, then that sets the mindset first thing in the morning for teachers. I had a teacher their day save my seminar. Why in the world are you here so early? And I said, Well, I try to get here by 6:30 because I need to go through my emails, I need to set my to-dos, and I need to have a mindset to where I can welcome you all without feeling frazzled. If I walk in late and you all need things, then I'm not ready to accept how I can help you. That feels messy for me. So I try to get there early. But that's just a routine I set for myself. That's your system. That's my system.

Speaker 1 35:09

You've guided families through so much, including COVID. And that is a like a macro experience for everybody. But then there are families who are moving, who are getting divorced, who are changing cities, who are leaving St. Stephen's to try a public school, or they're they're graduating out, you know, their eighth graders going to high school. What have you learned in your experience that helps people go through that change well? Or what do you do to try to help them through those changes well instead of just white knuckling it?

Speaker 35:50

Yeah. Well, I always offer help forever. I mean, when people come in toward the school, when we follow back up with them, it's like, look, if we're not a great fit, if I can help you find your place, please let me know. Um, that's the same when people leave. So especially if our eighth graders, when they're graduating, we try to set up a time to kind of talk to them through, talk them through like what classes are going to be best for you. I have that coming up the end of February with our current group. Um, families that are not re-enrolling for many different reasons. Um it's weird and odd and probably is harder for the parents to receive the email, but I always try to email and say, hey, can you give feedback, you know, on what made you make the decision not to re-enroll? And sometimes it's fantastic feedback. Sometimes it's like, oh my goodness, how can I help them stay? Right? Whether it's divorce, finances, whatever. Um, but I think um as an administrator, you have to be willing to take some of that hard feedback also because it's how somebody else feels. So I don't, I cannot control how you feel or your perception of things, but I can take the feedback and either change or adjust how something is maybe, you know, laid out or done or something to prevent that feeling in the future. And so um that's something I've I've really started trying to hone in on is feedback from families about why they are not leaving or why they are leaving and and um try to change as we can. Obviously, we're not gonna change everything, but I think feedback is really, really important. And so just checking in with families, like, please let me know how I can help. And I've had families reach out that have been gone two or three years with, you know, a problem or a situation, and um and I've answered and helped. And so I genuinely mean if I can help, I will help. I will help, you know.

Speaker 1 37:48

That's so lovely. I'm so relaxed just hearing you say that. Yeah. What practice or principle do you wish families could adopt when it comes to emotional growth and family connection? So there's the school culture and each family has their family culture. And that is a million, those are a million moving pieces for each family. So by no means is this going to be a one size fits all. Right. But in general, where do you see that families we could step up more to connect? Because in my work, I know increased connection means everything thumbs up.

Speaker 38:29

Yes.

Speaker 1 38:30

The more you're connecting with your kiddos, with your spouse, with yourself, every like things just fall into place a little bit more. Yes. That's my perspective. But what's something you would encourage families to do if they can at all get to it that would help that?

Speaker 38:47

Okay, I love everybody. So let me just start by saying that. Um please, please do away with screens.

Speaker 1 38:57

Please. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 38:59

Please. It it is it it is becoming an epidemic. It is running, it is running, running, running um connection, conversations. Um if anybody goes out to a restaurant, just sit for a second and look around. And it's either two grown adults on their cell phones, not talking, or they have kids with them and they throw up a screen for a movie or something to be on while they're either on their devices or they're talking. And we're talking littles, little littles. Um, I'm not against technology. That's not it. But technology is overtaking our children. And don't think for one second when those kiddos come to school, they do not tell us the things that they've accidentally seen or clicked on something, or the upper grade kiddos, they're exhausted because they sleep with their phones under their pillows.

Speaker 1 40:01

I just learned I gave my kids MP3 players that have no internet access, like no browser, and it has Spotify. And I just learned yesterday that you can watch like a a vis a video podcast that's on TikTok on Spotify. And I thought, as a parent, I purposely bought something that doesn't have a screen. It's a small screen, but it's not like an interactive one in terms of video. And I thought, come on, like give me a give us parents a break. A break. You know, a break. It's a kid account, it's not an iPad, it's not a phone, it's just a music player. And Lord, if you can Yep.

Speaker 40:50

Yep.

Speaker 1 40:51

So screens.

Speaker 40:52

Screens. It any screen, an iPad. I I mean phones, computers.

Speaker 1 40:58

What do you all do at school? What is the St. Stephen's ethos about screens?

Speaker 41:03

Yeah, so we do not allow cell phones. We have never allowed cell phones on campus. Um, and I know kids do bring them, so to be fair, but they stay in their backpacks and their backpacks are in the locker, like their locker barn. Um, we've never had issues with kids trying to sneak phones because again, we've created the culture of we are here to engage with one another and learn how to talk, right? Um, so we don't we have no cell phones. Um the smart watches have started to become a thing. Um, and so if they're playing on them, then we you know have them take them off and put them in backpacks. Um, some kids have them, if they have like some heart stuff going, they have to have like a monitor. But again, the expectation is set. We're honest, open you know, conversations with parents and with the kids. Um, and we haven't really had many issues as far as computers and iPads. Um, we used to be like a one-on-one iPad campus, no longer. Um, we don't have iPads in the classrooms. We do have iPads for like our robotics, the um fourth and up use computers like Google Classroom and things uh minimally, and then our middle school obviously uses them because we don't want kids leaving St. Stephen's going to public school being like, What is this? you know, um, but we're teaching them cursive and we're teaching them how to write and how to use punctuation. Praise Jesus. Yes, and all the things. Um but there's just they have it so much at home already. I mean, you know, in the mornings I'm getting kids out of cars and there's already movies playing in the backseat. Or as soon as little like pre-K kids get in the car, they're like, Can I have your phone? Can I have your phone? It's the first thing. Not, hey mom, how was your day? Like, and you know, so it's an addiction. It is an addiction. And um, it also it also rolls into the classroom to where they are so stimulated in different ways than when you and I were kids that um, you know, the ADD AD.

Speaker 1 43:06

Wow, it has a reverberation into the classroom.

Speaker 43:09

Yes, it does. Yes, it does. And you can tell. You can tell the kiddos that are on screens more than the ones that are not allowed to have them.

Speaker 1 43:19

Versus the kids whose mom make them listen to mariachi music on the way to school.

Speaker 43:24

Or read, you know, yes. So that that would be my biggest thing is please, please give them, you know, wiki sticks.

Speaker 1 43:35

Yeah.

Speaker 43:35

Play-doh. I mean, throw some mashed potatoes on the table and let them get dirty. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 43:40

Do something else.

Speaker 43:41

Yes, do something else.

Speaker 1 43:43

For the people out there who are in leadership positions and they want to up their leadership acumen. What is something you want to leave them with? I know this puts you in a position of um awesomely. Which I believe you are. So you're gonna have to reluctantly take that just for this one question. Yes.

Speaker 44:06

Okay.

Speaker 1 44:07

How would you encourage them to grow in that area?

Speaker 44:11

So I would say really, really talk to your people. And your people mean your front office staff, your custodian, your, you know, maintenance guy. Talk to your teachers. And by talk to, I don't mean talk at. There's a difference. Um you know, the the greatest thing that I did when I started at St. Stephen's was send an anonymous form out that people could fill out. I did not know who it was. I'm sure I could have figured it out, but I didn't, that was not the point. And it was tell me three things that you need help with, tell me three things that you are not getting, and tell me three things that you need to be successful. Um and then there was an option box that it was like, please let me know how better I can serve or support you. And some of it was hard to read. It was, I haven't seen you all year in my classroom, or um, I'm really struggling with this lesson. I need you to come in and let me know, or nothing. We're great, you know. And take that feedback and don't take it personal because um one teacher may have more needs because they're not comfortable in a grade level, or because they have been reprimanded by your previous administrator that was there and they want to make sure they're doing right that you want. So feedback is huge. Um, just know it's gonna crush your soul at times, and you have to be willing to take that and process it and do something, have an actionable, you know, response to that.

Speaker 1 45:47

It sounds like you're saying listen to your people, ask them what they want and need, and be so emotionally mature, be emotionally mature enough to take action, to have accountability, to follow through.

Speaker 46:02

Yes.

Speaker 1 46:03

Yeah, the emotional maturity piece is hard.

Speaker 46:06

It is hard, but you are human, and you have to remind yourself of that. You were once um somebody that had to take orders from others. So remember the best leader that you were ever working under, and remember the worst leader and pull the traits and do away with the traits that were helpful or hurtful. Um and you know, one thing I asked my staff is how can I pray for you? Like what do you need? Um and without, you know, having like a huge like mental breakdown. Uh last school year was really hard for my staff. Super, super hard. We had a lot of um, we had a lot of death at St. Stephen's last year. We had a lot of family members pass away, very close family members pass away. And I will tell you, my staff stood up, they helped out, they jumped in for each and every one of us that were affected by that. And that's how you know you have an amazing place. So I love them all, every single one of them, and I love our families, and I'm so blessed and so thankful to be a part of such a special, special place. Listener, get me a tissue.

Speaker 1 47:25

I can't take it. It's beautiful, it's so beautiful. I'm um just it's you're so great and you're so lovely. And we're all so lucky to be in your orbit. If listeners want to find out more about Saint Stevens, where can they do that?

Speaker 47:44

Um, so we have a website, St. Saint Stephenswimberly.org, um, that you can go to. Um, my email, Amanda.ebner at Saint Stevenswimberly.org. But also I want to say this if you are a leader and you do have questions, being ahead of school is the loneliest, hardest job. It it is, it truly is because you have so many constituents that you have to take care of. And so I think finding your people to be able to kind of help you navigate things where you can ask a question and feel very vulnerable is really important. And so um I tell people all the time, you you have to ask for help. And so, not that I'm the best at all the things, but I promise you I will try to help. And so, if anybody has questions or concerns or anything outside of St. Stephen's, please reach out. I'm I'm happy to help walk people through anything I possibly can.

Speaker 1 48:43

So thank you. Thank you for being here, Amanda.

Speaker 48:46

Thank you for having me, Catia.

Speaker 1 48:48

Listener, thank you so much for being with us today. And until next time, take good care of yourselves. Thank you for spending this time with me. If something from today's conversation resonated, or if you're in a season where support would help, visit me at Gauthiahollam.com. That's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-M dot com. You can also leave an anonymous question for the show by calling or texting 956-249-7930. I'd love to hear what's on your heart. If Couch Time with Cat has been meaningful to you, it would mean so much if you'd subscribe, rate, and leave a review. It helps others find us and it grows this community of care. And if you know someone who needs a little light right now, send them this episode. Remind them they're not alone. Until next time, be gentle with yourself. Keep showing up and know I'm right here with you.