Coming Back: Clarity After Addiction with Chad Womack

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In today's episode, we sit with the hidden reality of kratom dependence and how something marketed as natural relief can quietly reshape a life. We talk with Chad Womack about Feel Free, high-functioning addiction, rehab, and the slow return to clarity, responsibility, and self-respect. 

• Kratom basics and why dose changes the experience 
• How “legal” and “easy to buy” can speed up dependence 
• Chad’s first experience with Feel Free and why it felt like support 
• The quiet ramp from two bottles to eight 
• Personality shifts that show up as anger, coldness and isolation 
• The financial cost and the sneaky behaviors addiction creates 
• A non-moral question that helps clarify any coping habit 
• The breaking point that leads to rehab and what firm boundaries can do 
• What a day in rehab actually looks like and why it feels brutal 
• Coming home after treatment and living with consequences 
• Purpose shame and the slow work of self-forgiveness 
• What Chad says to someone quietly struggling 

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Show Guest:

Chad Womack is a real estate professional, investor, and business owner with more than 25 years of experience building and managing successful ventures. Over the course of his career, he built and sold a company of 25 years while developing a strong portfolio of rental properties, giving him deep insight into long-term investment and sustainable business growth.

Behind that success, however, Chad faced a deeply personal challenge—an addiction to kratom, specifically the widely available “Feel Free” tonic. What began as a legal, easily accessible source of relief gradually turned into a dependency that led him to spend 45 days in rehab and nearly cost him his 20-year marriage.

Today, Chad shares his story with honesty and humility, offering a window into the reality of high-functioning addiction, the impact it can have on relationships and identity, and the ongoing work of recovery. His journey is one of accountability, resilience, and the slow return to clarity, purpose, and self-respect.

Outside of his professional life, Chad finds his greatest joy in spending time with his wife, daughter, and their two dogs. 

You can connect with Chad Womack here.

You can connect with Dillon Womack here.

Transcript

Welcome To Couch Time With Cat

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for real conversation and a gentle check-in. KWVH presents Couch Time with Cat. Hi friends, and welcome to Couch Time with Cat, Mental Wellness with a Friendly Voice. I'm Cat, therapist, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and endurance athlete. But most of all, I'm a wife, mama, and someone who deeply believes that people are good and healing is possible. Here in the Hill Country of Wimberley, Texas, I've built my life and practice around one purpose to make mental wellness feel accessible, compassionate, and real. This show is for those moments when life feels heavy, when you're craving clarity, or when you just need to hear. You're not alone. Each week we'll explore the terrain of mental wellness through stories, reflections, research, and tools you can bring into everyday life. Think of it as a conversation between friends, rooted in science, guided by heart, and grounded in the belief that healing does not have to feel clinical. It can feel like sitting on a couch with someone who gets it. So whether you're driving, walking, cooking, or simply catching your breath, you're welcome here. This is your space to feel seen, supported, and reminded of your own strength. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in. What if the thing you reach for to feel better slowly becomes the thing you can't live without? What if it's legal, easy to find, and even marketed as natural? And what if no one around you, not even the people you love most, realize what's happening until everything is on the line? Today's conversation is about that space. The quiet one, the hidden one, the human one. There's a version of success we're taught to chase. It looks like stability, achievement, a long career with built intention, a home, a family, a life that from the outside makes perfect sense. And then there's the part we don't often talk about when we're exhausted but we're still pushing. Where something small, something seemingly harmless starts to feel like relief. Just a little boost, a little edge taken off, a little help to get through the day. And maybe it works at first. We're more focused, we're more present, we're less anxious. We tell ourselves this is fine, this is helping until one day it isn't. Today's conversation is about that quiet turning point. The moment that something felt like support and maybe even helpful, it begins to take a turn. And more importantly, what it looks like to come back from that. Because the truth is, addiction doesn't always look like chaos. Sometimes it looks high functioning. We've talked about that here so many times. Sometimes it looks like success, sometimes it looks like someone you never expect. And that's why this conversation matters. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about the hidden reality of Kratom, addiction, and the courage it takes to reclaim your life. Before we meet today's guests, I want to gently ground us in what we're actually talking about. Kratom is a plant derived from a tree native to Southeast Asia. It's often sold in powders, capsules, or liquid tonics, sometimes at gas stations, wellness shops, or online. It's frequently marketed as natural, herbal, and even safe. And here's where things get complicated. Kratom interacts with the brain in ways that can mimic both stimulants and opioids, depending on the dose. At lower amounts, people report increased energy or focus. At higher amounts, it can create sedation, pain relief, and even euphoria, which means it can feel like a solution. Especially for people, for those of us dealing with stress, anxiety, burnout, or physical discomfort. That could be any of us. But from a neuroscience perspective, anything that consistently alters our state, especially in a way that feels relieving, can begin to shape our brain's reward system. Our brain starts to learn, oh, this is how we feel better. And over time it can become this is the only way we can feel okay. That's not failure of character, it's conditioning, and that's how our brain works. And the tricky part with something like Kratom is accessibility. It's legal in so many places, it's easy to get. And it doesn't carry the same immediate stigma as other substances. So the escalation can be quiet because nobody sets out to become dependent. We're just trying to cope to function and to feel a little better. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about Kratom, Hidden Addiction, and what it means to come back to yourself. Today's guest brings a perspective that is both deeply personal and incredibly important. Chad Womack is an awesome-based real estate professional, investor, and former entrepreneur with over 25 years of experience in the hospitality industry. He built and sold a successful company, something that takes vision, discipline, and resilience. Today, he channels that same drive into real estate, managing a portfolio of properties, and helping others build long-term financial stability. But what makes Chad the perfect person for this conversation isn't just his external success. It's his honesty and his internal success. Behind years of achievement, Chad was navigating a hidden dependency on Kratom, specifically a widely available tonic called Feel Free. What began as something that helped him slowly became something that controlled him. His journey led him to a 45-day stay in rehab and bought brought him dangerously close to losing his 20-year marriage. And instead of hiding that story, he's choosing to share it. Chad and I have been in the same hospitality circles for I just did the math 25 years. And I can say that he lights up every room he walks into and every interaction I've ever had with Chad. He's been a true gentleman. Chad, I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 6:38

I'm glad I'm here also. I really appreciate what you just said. So thank you very much. And thank you for the space to discuss this.

Speaker 1 6:46

Yeah, absolutely. I'm so glad you're here. So should we start at the beginning?

Speaker 6:49

Let's let's do it.

Speaker 1 6:51

Okay. What initially drew you to Kratom to feel free?

Speaker 6:55

Yeah, so we were hosting a one of our uh companies was hosting a golf tournament. I think this was maybe four years ago. And somebody who, and when I say this, this this person, I I want no link to my issue with this person. He is, they are a very successful, very salt of the earth, incredible human being. It's just something that he was involved in at the time. So he brought it to the golf tournament. He asked if he could uh this and again I bring it up, it's just the first time I've I heard of it. So he asked if he could not only hand it out to the golfers, but then to potentially get it into the bars that we owned at the time that my partners and I owned at the time. He also gave us each a couple of them that day. And Cat that day, I remember how good I felt. I did. I just I had no idea what it was. I just I kind of equated it to maybe a five-hour energy. Drank it that first day and and felt great. And so that's how it was introduced into my life. And I just want to clarify again, it it nobody knew. We didn't know. This person didn't know. And I and again, he you know, so I just want to leave he's just a good person who get introduced it to us.

Speaker 1 8:19

Yeah, you're not assigning blame, you're just saying it it sounds like sometimes somebody can share something with us and it hits just right.

Speaker 8:26

Right, right. And yeah, and you can hear me stuttering through that because I think so highly of this person and his family and everything else. And so I just don't want this person to think it he had anything to do with why I'm here today.

Speaker 1 8:40

Sure. That's gracious of you. And for the listener, addiction and what we get addicted to can be it's anything.

Speaker 8:48

It is.

Speaker 1 8:49

We can get addicted to likes on social media, to over-exercising, to overrunning. Lol. You guys have I've done many a show on my dependence on that. So it's really about what soothes us at the time. Right. And depending on where we are, it could be anything, you know, 87 cups of coffee.

Speaker 9:14

You're you're exactly right. What I've found from Feel Free, or what I started getting, is I mentioned this at a different time. Um, I just have a little bit of a social anxiety. Uh, it's it's odd to say that, or most people don't believe that because I was in the bar industry for so long. Uh, my twin brother, who you know, does not have this, my partner does not have this business partner. But I do. And so I found myself reaching for feel-free anytime we had a meeting, anytime I was going out, uh, anytime I was traveling, uh, things like that, that I would just reach for it. And so it quickly, maybe not so quickly, uh, it over the two years I just felt it ramping up and ramping up. So to your point, I was definitely reaching for something that just was calming whatever that was going on in my head at the time.

Speaker 1 10:08

So it was a solution to anxiety at the beginning?

Speaker 10:11

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 10:12

Kind of soothing.

Speaker 10:13

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 10:15

Does it give you energy also?

Speaker 10:17

So some people have asked me that. To me, no. Uh, some people have said yes, I felt like this spark of energy. Honestly, I just felt more talkative and more and again, I'm reluctant to say this because I don't want anybody to go out and try this thinking, well, it it just affected Chad this way, and not it's not going to affect me this way, because honestly, it was great at first. Sure. You know, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 10:43

And so one martini, fabulous. Three garbage.

Speaker 10:48

Well, depending on the night. But no, no, no, it's that is it it just started off to where I didn't necessarily have energy, but I could I was holding conversations, I was more alert, um, I was more just focused in a way, only because I felt good overall, if that makes any sense at all. Most definitely. But it wasn't like a caffeine hit or anything like that. Not for me at least.

Speaker 1 11:14

So it started to it was like a little bit of support. And when did the scales tip?

Speaker 11:22

It's a great question. So this all started with feel-free maybe four years ago. And so for the first two years, and I know that's a long time, I just noticed it going from so they're sold in two-ounce bottles. And where you can, Cat, you can buy these, I would say at 90% of gas stations. You know, there are three gas stations I pass from my house on the way to the gym, and four gas stations that I pass on the way from my house to the office, to our office. You can buy them at all of those gas stations. So if that tells you anything, they're typically right next to the register in a clear acrylic display case, and they're little two-ounce blue bottles. So you can get them anywhere. Um, I just met with a guy yesterday, I won't say who, whoor dash, started door-dashing them to his house.

Speaker 1 12:16

No.

Speaker 12:17

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 12:18

Wow.

Speaker 12:19

Two years ago, and I'll make this quick, they went from eight an age restriction of 18 up to 21. And I'll tell you why in a minute, but my point is when you door dash them, they do not card you. They didn't, they've never asked for his ID. They've never asked me for, and then again, I'm 53 years old, but but you play 30. Well, thank you. Well, I appreciate that, but I do have a 17-year-old daughter who obviously I'm worried about walking into this gas station and being able to buy it. So, again, to your point, so you can get this anywhere, you can order it online, uh, you can order it by the case online, and then you can door dash, like I was saying. It's so readily available and it's marketed in such a predatory way that anybody walking in would, and it's marketed as a wellness tonic. So when you walk into a gas station, someone like you, avid runner, you take care of yourself, you're healthy. Maybe one day you're feeling a little tired, you see this next two uh five-hour energy, the packaging is great. There's a little they've I forget what the logo is, but it looks cool, the bottle looks cool, it looks elevated. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 13:33

Like an elevated five hour.

Speaker 13:35

Exactly.

unknown 13:35

Wow.

Speaker 13:36

Then you read on the bottle, wellness tonic, and you're like, okay, uh maybe I will try this. And so that's where it all started. And Cat, I noted noticed myself, I would go from two bottles a day to two bottles in the morning back to back, and then I would go to four bottles in the afternoon. I mean, I'm sorry, two more in the afternoon. To cut to the chase, I went from two bottles a day up to sometimes eight bottles a day. And what you were saying, in lower doses, you're you're energetic, you're more social, is the best way I can put it. So again, it's not a stimulant, at least not to me. In higher doses, and again, this is a common side effect, and I'll get into how I know this for everybody, you get mean, you get you become, or I'll just say I. I became when I say aggressive, just kind of lashing out at people I would never lash out against, I became lazy, which is never in my DNA ever.

Speaker 1 14:44

Wow, that is so surprising.

Speaker 14:46

Yeah, I I mean I I was cutting lawns at a very young age to buy skateboards. I mean, it's I've never been lazy in my life. Became lazy, and the worst, uh to me at least, and this is common, I started isolating away from my family, the people that I love most, and I would have any excuse to either not show up to an event, not and I'm I mean it to all my daughters' volleyball games. I I wouldn't miss that, but things just as important, and pardon me if I'm repeating myself here, but Christmas shopping with my wife, you know, my wife asking, Hey, do you just want to meet for dinner? No, I'm I and I would just play it off. I mean, things the people that I love more than anything on this earth, you know, and like, you know, there's a big No, I have seen you pour into Dylan.

Speaker 1 15:37

Yeah, thank you. Dylan. Yes, Dylan if I'm allowed to say that. Yes, of course. Yeah. So I have seen you love your family so well over the decades.

Speaker 15:47

Right.

Speaker 1 15:48

Is that weird to say decades?

Speaker 15:50

No, no, it is 20 years we've been married in May.

Speaker 1 15:54

So hearing you say that you were shying away from all that is huge.

Speaker 15:59

Yes, it it it's hard to fathom now. And in fact, even yesterday, I was talking to Dylan about this. Because so I'm not embarrassed about this. Um I have I have some shame about it, but it's more important to me to get this story out. But on the same note, I am shameful and I am so regretful of this exact behavior because my wife, who is just an absolute warrior and stood by me and when almost didn't, and I get why, but it I just can't wrap my head around it. I truly can't wrap my head around this. And we'll get to this in a minute, I'm sure. And you're a therapist. Whenever I was in rehab, and I call it rehab instead of a treatment center because I want it to land with people. It it I want it to sound gritty because that's what I deserve is to go through the grit. I deserve for this to be hard. So when whenever I was in rehab, that's one of the things that they said, or I asked my therapist, or I I loved my therapist, I came to love him, and I if he was ever listening to this, David, I absolutely love you.

Speaker 1 17:10

We can send him the link.

Speaker 17:11

Please, I I I truly came to love this man in 45 short days, but he he an amazing human being. But I asked him one time, or I told I I told him, but that sounds harsh. I said, You our sessions are incredible. I love you. There's nothing you will ever be able to say to get me to understand how why I would act this way towards my family, why I would take them for granted. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 17:38

Did what did he answer back?

Speaker 17:39

He said you're right. Oh I mean, he's he's he said, Yeah, I probably won't. And he because I felt like he he shot straight with me the entire time and not this. Um he in fact, I liked I really respected his uh firmness, and he didn't let me frankly manipulate the situations, which addicts are good manipulators.

Speaker 1 18:04

They are the best.

Speaker 18:05

We're the best manipulators, and especially in active addiction. And so he called me on that. I'm glad he called me on that. But yeah, that's how he answered, and I took it. He was one of those people you when he says something, you just or at least I said, Okay, you know.

Speaker 1 18:24

Listener, I want to pause here for a second and just take a breath. Chad just shared a lot, and a lot may be coming up for you, and you may be thinking, Oh, what is happening in my life? Or maybe I love somebody who's going through something like this. And a good question to ask yourself right now is Is there anything in your life right now that started as support but maybe now feels a little harder to put down? And I encourage you not to have judgment around it. I always encourage you to just find a sense of awareness around it. For me, the entry point into change is always awareness and then a sense of compassion. So I'm gonna therapist you back when you said I deserve the grit.

Speaker 19:14

I'll take it. I thought this was a podcast if it's a therapy session. I am in. I think my wife would would applaud us both, you know?

Speaker 1 19:23

Yeah, I'm like my armpits are sweating because I didn't think that I would say that, but I was like, No, that's fine. No. It was a coping mechanism, and we only need coping mechanisms when we need to cope. We don't magically dive into something if there's no reason to. So you found something, it wasn't helpful, you found your way out.

Speaker 19:52

Dylan, did you hear every bit of that? I I appreciate you saying that. Um it I'll say whenever, and I know you know this, and this is what I think it was, but I don't know. You know, there was a lot of good going on. A lot of good that was going on, and then I don't use crutches. I again, uh you know, figurative uh crutches, but I during COVID, a lot of stuff happened that was stressful. Um I'm not sure if you know this, but and again, when I I'm reluctant to even bring this up, but my daughter had to have a brain tumor removed. And Chad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:34

No, I had no idea.

Speaker 20:36

Yes.

Speaker 1 20:36

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 20:38

And again, that's almost like me. I'd never want to say, hey, look at me, but it was at a time that you know only one of us could be in the room with her. We would have to tag out. Um, my daughter crying, saying, Why does dad have to leave when the doctors are kicking me off?

unknown 20:55

Oh my god.

Speaker 20:56

So it again, it's not a crutch because I don't want to make that situation about me. It was happening at the exact same time that I had five businesses shut down, 300 employees, maybe 250 at that time out of work, paying our upper management, Brad Jason, and I not paying ourselves, but paying rent on prime location properties in two different states. How many five at that time?

Speaker 1 21:25

We had five bars, so you had rent for five utilities.

Speaker 21:30

Exactly. For five. Yes.

Speaker 1 21:32

That's a big chunk of change.

Speaker 21:34

There's a big chunk of change. And that's and I mentioned this on another podcast. Not as good as this one. No, I'm joking. No, they were great. No, they're great, actually. But uh, in fact, they're amazing people. But uh I did say this, but it's worth repeating. So it you know, around that time it did get pretty stressful, but it cat I have to be honest with you and everybody else. My behavior had been going on for years. I I had an issue with Adderall at one time. I just want to be up front. Um, and so once I stopped that, it's almost like this feel free took over. I I don't want to point a bunch of fingers to things saying, that's it, that's it, that's it, because I'm such an accountable person that I want people to know that I'm taking the blame for this.

Speaker 1 22:22

We know.

Speaker 22:23

Okay, you do? Please.

Speaker 1 22:24

It sounds like it.

Speaker 22:25

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 22:26

But I'm gonna say Okay, we know, and let's put that on the shelf and now let's have some compassion.

Speaker 22:31

I hear you. Well, I appreciate it. I do, I appreciate it, you know. But then again, Brad and Jason didn't go to any of that behavior. And I keep mentioning just for everyone who those are his business partners. Yeah, one who happens to be my twin brother, and yeah, so uh I almost said something about his history, but love them both to death.

Speaker 1 22:52

Brad will be here next time.

Speaker 22:53

Yeah, yeah. If if his agent will let him, but I'm joking, he doesn't have an agent. But uh it they didn't go to that behavior, you know, and so and I did, and so it's there's a lot to compare there. And especially with my twin brother, who, same DNA, just happened to be my business partner, he didn't go to this type of behavior. So, you know, I that's a long-winded way of saying I'm I I do I sit there and I talk to Dylan and I want to make amends for this. I know that's an AA term, but I do mean it. I want to make amends for this, for the behavior. It's not even the addiction.

Speaker 1 23:33

Right. It's what happens when when you're on Kratom.

Speaker 23:37

That's right.

Speaker 1 23:38

You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about Kratom dependency and the courage to see clearly. So as you guys can tell, Chad really owns his story, and I'm trying to push him toward compassion, and maybe that's gonna but it is it it that is a very, very important part of healing and addiction is owning it and just taking responsibility for it, however goopy it feels on the inside, and just saying, okay, I did this and I'm seeing my way through it, and now how am I going to move forward? So when you started seeing your behavior change in reflection, what were some of the warning signs that you missed? It sounds like you know, when it tipped, you started getting angry, started isolating. Was there anything else before that, or was it really, was the tipping point it?

Speaker 24:46

You know, now that I think about it, Cat, I I don't know. I think maybe the tipping point was it. I knew that I mean, I'm just gonna say it, I was not easy to live with. Um I'm not somebody who yells, uh, we don't have these vicious drag knockdown drag out fights. It's just not us. But I'm very good, unfortunately, sometimes about being uh quiet, cold, uh isolating, like I was saying. Um I noticed that I was leaving my house and just driving around a lot, uh almost because, as you know, we sold our bars, and so there was there's been a time period there that I I haven't had an actual real job, you know, and it's that these insecurities, especially someone who's worked all of his life, all of his life, and watching my wife go to work every day, and it's uh it it really started affecting just my mindset. So did I notice anything before? I don't think so. I just know I remember one day when I I think it was about two years in, that I Googled uh issues with feel-free or feel-free addiction because something just clicked. I'm like, man, I I'm I'm thinking about this too much. You know, I'm I'm going to the gas station too much. Dylan had asked me why I'd been spending so much. She budgets our money like I mean, she runs our household like a business. She really does. Thankfully so.

Speaker 1 26:19

And she asked me, How much is Kratom?

Speaker 26:23

It's a great question. So feel free costs anywhere between $8.99 to $1,1199 a bottle, depending on where you get it. Okay. So I was spending up to $2,500 a month on feel-free tonic. It's insane. Sometimes $60, $70 a day at a gas station.

Speaker 1 26:41

And per would you go to separate gas stations? So or did you make BFFs with one?

Speaker 26:47

No, that's a you know what's funny is no, but somebody that I met with recently said that they would treat him like royalty when he walked in because he was buying 10, 12 at a time. And no, I never got to there. It's not even that I could hide it because it would always be on our statements. But did I know where they sold it for cheaper? Absolutely. Just like we were saying, addicts are resourceful and we're manipulative. One thing I did it's just this lying and the sneaky behavior and try because we share accounts, obviously. And to I wasn't joking when I said Dylan budgets our money to a T. She literally sends us a budget every month. I know. I love it. What a boss. She is a boss. I mean, in every definition of a word, just to that point, I I've seen girls on Instagram, hashtag boss, and it's because they have a high tab at a Vegas club. My wife, honestly, my wife is a boss because she saves our money. She's a saver, not a spender. She I could go on and on. That's amazing. She's amazing. And I'm lucky to be married to amazing, you know. And see, and that even to double down on this manipulative behavior to somebody like that. I just can't understand it.

Speaker 1 28:10

Addiction doesn't begin with a premise of logic. It presuppos like your question right now presupposes you've gotten a good night's sleep, you've eaten some veggies in the last few days, you've gotten some sun and you're thinking clearly. But addiction is a, from my understanding, is a slow erosion of normal. So who you are before the addiction is not the same person who's asking the question, where do I get the sixth bottle of kratom for $9.99 instead of eleven ninety nine? Those are two separate minds. And our minds are so plastic. And so as we go inhaling these substances, or um you know, it could be probably everybody listening is addicted to their cell phone.

Speaker 28:57

Correct.

Speaker 1 28:58

So what we feel is off or out of the norm today is not what we felt was out of the norm in 1999. Remember when we used to have to push numbers to text like a different word?

Speaker 29:14

Recordy keyboard. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 29:17

It's like to send a text, it took like one minute. Yeah. You know, that was a completely different reality than today. And now we're alarm clock, bank, maps, whatever. So I hear you saying, How could I treat people that way? And it just wasn't the same you.

Speaker 29:37

Thank you. I I I and I mean it. Thank you for saying that. And I do believe that it's hard to convince my wife of that, even though I I'll say it again, she's very supportive. She welcomed me back into our house when I'm not sure that I deserve to be at the time. I'm glad that you say that because it makes me realize you're right. But it's just I hate to know that that was ever inside of me.

Speaker 1 30:04

And you're in the same, you're in the same body.

Speaker 30:06

Right.

Speaker 1 30:07

So it looks like the same person.

Speaker 30:08

Right, I understand.

Speaker 1 30:09

Yeah, but brains, yeah, I hear you. It's a painful, it's painful to hurt people you love.

Speaker 30:14

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:15

Nobody wants to do that.

Speaker 30:16

No, no. Yeah.

The Night He Chose Rehab

Speaker 1 30:18

Listener, so let's let me offer you a little question right now. Often I don't approach things, as you guys know, with a sense of morality because I think that that can get dangerous sometimes, but I often approach it with um a curiosity. So let me take the moral out of it and let me ask you a question. Instead of asking yourself, is this bad? For example, a cell phone, a cigarette, a martini, a kratom, and just ask yourself, is this costing me more than it's giving me? And just a neutral assessment of that can help you take stock of what you're giving your energy to in your life and what it's giving you back. What made you decide I need to go to rehab? What was that like?

Speaker 31:12

I'll tell you, and it gets a little heavy. Um, I will just get into it.

Speaker 1 31:17

We can handle it.

Speaker 31:18

Okay. I thought so. Uh so my behavior was ramping up, ramping up, um, being just I was just lashing out, or I was cold, or I would isolate, and then you know, we'd we go a few days. When I say we, Dylan and I, we go a few days that things were okay, and then I would, of course, just pull something, whatever it may be. And then one night in particular, and I'm just kind of summing it up here. One night we were all going out with a group of friends, um, and that night it's weird cat. I just kind of knew that something would happen. I just knew that it maybe it was how I felt internally. I don't know. Of course, um, I had drank, I think, three feel-free, but we had people over at our house, and then we took this bus out, and we were bar hopping. So fun night otherwise, and I which this is not like me, I just pulled a stunt, is the best way I'll put it. Left everybody early. I just took an Uber home. Um, and I woke up to my wife coming home just over it, and frankly, just over it. And she didn't want me home anymore. She I've said this before publicly, and you know, Dylan, she my she does not bluff on anything. And the best word or phrase to use, she's impeccable with her word. So she does not bluff. So she told me she was like, This has been going on far too long. She was right. Uh, I am tired of it. She was right, and I want you out. And she at that time she didn't mention divorce, but she said, I just want you out. So, what that led to is me getting a hotel that night, and it uh it got really heavy. It it I hit a low that is hard to describe, and it's not anything I'm proud of, but I went to a space that I never want to go to again.

Speaker 1 33:23

Oh my God, that sounds so painful.

Speaker 33:26

It was, but I brought it upon myself. And so it's you know, when you act that way, you get treated that way, and that's exactly what I mean. I know you I think I know what you're gonna say, but I deserved it. I did. I deserved to sit in pain like that. And so the next day I went to my younger brother because Brad was out of town, and it we're all three very, very close. I asked him to meet me at his office, and he frankly has never seen me like that. And he was worried, and I was worried. I I was if I knew if I didn't get help that day that something drastic and permanent was going to happen, I'll just leave it at that. And so he called his therapist in and she facilitated this, she she knew um where to go, and so I went the next day, and not knowing what was going to happen, not knowing, just knowing that if I didn't get help then, I would not be around much longer. And so, because there were so many things leading up to that, and it just was eroding at my soul, it was just eroding my family unit, it was erod eroding our peace, and so yeah, so I checked in, and the last thing I'll say about what brought me there is Dylan insisted on driving me there, and this is worth repeating. I said this recently, when she dropped me off for a 45-day stay, it was not, hey, I love you, I'm proud of you. It was I hope you get the help that you need, I'm done. And I I could feel it. I could feel it. And then I received an email two weeks, maybe ten days, into treatment saying we're going to get a divorce and I don't want you coming home. And I knew that it was it this was the real this was life. That this was life that I had ordered a plate of life and I was gonna have to sit there and eat it, is exactly how I felt.

Speaker 1 35:35

Wow. She she sounds like she did addiction in a textbook way, which is the hardest thing to do for people who love, because she loves you, has always loved you. And that's often the hardest thing for people who love an addict to do is to be so firm because we want to we don't want them to feel pain. We want them to know we love them, we want all these things, and often this is by no means a one size fits all, but often what the addict needs is that firm no bluff. This is it. And now you get to figure out your own accountability and self-confidence and build yourself up, and you have to know you want it for you.

Speaker 36:20

You're right. And I'm sure there was there was a little bit, not a little bit, there was that element involved, but she was done. I mean, she and she had every right to be. And I'm I walked around there, Cat, and I kept telling myself over and over that I just lost my 20-year marriage to a gas station tonic. And because I wanted it to sit with me. And you said this, and and you probably saw me laugh, and I'm kind of laughing now, and I know it's a heavy subject, but d Dylan does everything to a T. Like she does everything. It's it's kind of funny how many people call her for advice, and you know, she's she's just she's a very caring, kind, and loving person, but she is no nonsense on certain things. And I saw that side to her, and I knew this wasn't a test. That's what I mean by her bluffing. She was not giving me a test, she was giving me the answer. Like you, I'm done.

Speaker 1 37:17

Oh, I just got goosebumps.

Speaker 37:18

Honestly, she was as serious as can be, and you know, and people I'm sure are gonna ask, and I won't be long-winded, you know, then why are you back home? We have a substantial, deep-rooted love. I mean, it is that's why I wrestle with the fact of how I could ever take them for advantage, uh, take advantage or take them for granted. I'm sorry. Well, same thing, you Freudian slip, but take them for granted, how I could ever lash out at my wife, how I could not want to spend time with her. It could be something as simple as hanging out in the pool. Like, why would I ever say no to that? And so, with all of that said, it's like I it it I don't know why I was welcome back in. I was shocked. I was shocked. I went to an apartment, I rented an apart an Airbnb, and I went there for the first seven days. And Cat, if you want to feel low, imagine loading groceries into an apartment alone, it's a strange environment. When your wife and daughter are, I think it was 10 minutes down the road, your house, your your and you don't know what's what your future holds. It's terrible.

Speaker 1 38:34

Oh gosh, yeah. I um sometimes when I'm working with couples and they're like, I'm done, I'm done. You know, it's it's at the end, but I know that they have something in them that they just haven't tapped into. I often fast forward and I say, Okay, fine, you're done. Let's fast forward in six months. One of you is living in a gray apartment and there's no rugs on the floor, and there's no cookies in the pantry, and you're door-dashing burritos, and you're, you know, and I take them there, and then they're like, Oh, yeah, that's let's just try harder.

Speaker 39:13

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 39:14

Because the stark reality, and not that marriage is for everybody, but you know, when a couple really has love like you and Dylan, there is that's a treasure.

Speaker 39:23

I couldn't agree more. And I bring up the hard times. I just want to be clear because this cat, when when I when I went through this and I made that post that you answered to about Kratom, and for those that don't know, I made a post just saying this is what I went through. I want to get the word out. Um, I it this has to good, frankly, I want to get feel-free off the shelves. I really do. I know that's an ambitious plan, but I really and truly do.

Speaker 1 39:49

You could do it.

Speaker 39:50

I hope so.

Speaker 1 39:51

Yeah.

Speaker 39:51

And I also want to be clear, and this is gonna sound wild. I'm not anti-drug. I think this is just my stance. I think the teacher uh marijuana should be legal. I think that Ibagame, what everybody is talking about, should be legal and offered to people who need it. I'm not this anti-drug, you know, everything uh needs to be gone. The way that this is marketed is exactly what needs to be uh either regulated or just completely eliminated. That's all I'm saying. Feel free in particular. So, in Kratom, of course, but uh feel free in particular. So that's why I tell the hard stuff and these things about almost getting a divorce. I'm I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm actually saying this brought me to hell. This literally brought me to hell.

What Rehab Really Looks Like

Speaker 1 40:39

Do you want to share about what it's like inside a rehab?

Speaker 40:43

Absolutely. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 40:45

What's a day like in rehab?

Speaker 40:47

It is great. No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

Speaker 1 40:49

It's I'm like, I'm going next week.

Speaker 40:52

No, no. It's the the facility is is great, and more importantly, to me at least, the programming was great. But long story short, you are, I mean, everything's controlled as it should be. Uh, you are sharing a room with two other adults, uh, which is something I haven't done since I think I was six, and those weren't adults. Those are my brothers. Um you eat on a schedule, you go to class basically every hour. There's a little bit of rec time. Twice a week you see a therapist, and then once a week, at least at this facility, you see a recovery coach. Uh, every now and then you have an outing that you go out on. Um, they they this particular place had a little gym, so at least you could get your uh, which I think that that's the best mental health uh boost. I agree. Yeah, yeah. So, and that's what it's like. You know, the rules are a little um well, I'll say one rule that I just you you don't have your cell phone, and some places don't let you call at all, but this particular facility, and again, this facility is great, okay? I I won't say the name, but it's just a great facility. But and the staff was great. So we you could only use the phone, that's the home phone, for 15 minutes at a time. You had to sign a sheet, you could get two calls sometimes if you signed up in time. But once the house got full, people are literally lined up to call. So there were times, and I again I don't say, but that I'm having to hang up with Dylan as she's crying, us talking about if we're going to remain married or not, me having to hang up because you know, let's just say Tim is waiting on the call on the phone, and I don't get to talk to her for another 24 hours, leaving my wife in that state, which I've already left her in a completely emotionally irregulated state as it goes.

Speaker 1 42:53

Brutal.

Speaker 42:54

Brutal is right. And you know, Cat, I again I'm repeating some stuff, but this is what's wild about rehab. Everything is laid out for you. So when I go into rehab and I look at my wife and daughter and say, hey, guess what? You get to take care of our life, you get to take care of our yard, you get to take care of our house, you get to take care of our dogs, everything's on you. Dylan, you're gonna have to facilitate Skylar looking for colleges. Skylar, you're gonna have to handle things on your own if mom's busy. While I go into a place that everything's laid out for me, therapy is laid out for me, meals are laid out for me. It's not fair. So somebody like me who wants to provide, it really messed with me.

Speaker 1 43:44

Oh my god, yes. And it sounds like also listening to your story from earlier in the show, you were saying the reason that you started you were in the middle of several life transitions. You were going through something hard. Yeah. With Skylar, God bless her. I'm glad she's well. Thank you. COVID, business changes, then having nothing to do with your hands. Then seeing your wife change in terms of the roles. So all sorts of life transitions often bring up bring things up, bring things to the surface because we're not used to operating in that rhythm. And it sounds like you going into rehab was also very uncomfortable, not just because it's rehab, but because things are being done for you and you're a hard worker and you want to produce and you want to do something.

Speaker 44:41

That's true. I will say that when I went into rehab, that because I had said I because I had been in rehab before for Adderall and alcohol years ago, and and so it wasn't new to me. I hate to say it. This and I was adamant I would never go back. As good as it was, like as helpful as it was at the time, adamant. I knew this time that it I had to go. I knew. And so it when I didn't even think about the things that we're discussing now. It was if I'm not long story short, I just said I needed to go now. Now it was completely outside of my character or thought pattern. So that kind of hit me once I was in there, even though I knew that I'm I should be in there. And I want to bring up some, I want to bring up something if you don't mind real fast. I make it talk about call talk about hard in rehab. So I'm a traditional person, and 20 years ago, I asked my father-in-law for my daughter or for Sky uh, I can't even talk for a Dylan Tane in marriage, okay? And him and I, I I love this man. Him and I are what I hope would be close. Uh my dad was never in my life ever. And he has just been to my grand openings or anniversary parties. He's in Skylar's life all the time. So I I love this man, and I don't say it lightly. Imagine the call that I had to make when I said, I broke my promise to you. I've hurt your daughter, and I'm sorry. We're both crying. He's telling me he loves me, I'm telling him I love him. He literally said something along the fact of, I think maybe you should move on and see if y'all get back together in a while. Again, this is a family that doesn't bluff. So I spent, you know, Dylan comes from a family of supreme love and supreme support, okay? And I don't. And and I aside from my brothers, you know, and I'll say that all day long. I'm not too concerned about who it may offend, but we don't. And that's why we we the three of us is stuck together so much. Knowing that I hurt them by hurting her their daughter, it's hard to describe how low I got in there. It's hard to describe the hell, and it's hard to describe the hell that you're going through when you have to make or I have to make this call, or I'm wondering what her mom's thinking, or I'm having to tell one of her six, and yes, I said six brothers, that yeah, I hurt her. And then it's like, okay, hang up the phone, it's time for dinner. You know what I'm saying? Or okay, okay, hang up the phone, it's time for bed. And I'm 53 years old. You know, it's it who's someone who's who's cu curated his life for I mean, I can't even tell you since how long, since probably 19. You know, it was hard.

Speaker 1 47:43

God, it is excruciating on so many levels. And and weirdly it not weirdly, but but that those disgusting feelings are what are able to change our behavior. Like, it's like I never want to feel that gross again. I never want to do that to somebody again, and I am turning. I had behavior in my 20s that I was really grossed out by, and I've written it about it in my books, and um I would um well, I'll just say it here. I've written it. So I would cheat on every boyfriend. Like here's the bottom line. I didn't know how to break up with them. Yeah, and I would just I didn't have courage. So instead of saying, Hey, I don't want to be with you anymore, I'd be like, Let me go date this guy. Like, I need you to make the decision for me because I don't have the courage to say it out loud. Right. So that was in my twenties. And um it was I can feel I feel gross in my body right now saying it. But I remember the hurt and the faces and the crying, and one time I did it with somebody, um wow, this is a thing. I was engaged to someone, okay, and he said, the only way I'll ever break up with you is if you cheat on me.

Speaker 49:17

And I said, Got it. Wow, yeah.

Speaker 1 49:21

Yeah. So I was in my mid-20s, I was engaged, I didn't know how to get out of the relationship, and so I did. So I called his parents. I drove to where his parents were and admitted listen, I cheated on him, I'm out. And it was this like owning up to um my wrongs. And after that, I was like, never again. Like, I want to be the kind of person who treats people well, I want to be the kind of person who has courage with her words, even though like clear is kind, even if I'm gonna disappoint somebody, I'd rather disappoint them the right way and keep my integrity than the wrong way. So when you're saying that, that's what's coming up for me. And that's this is 20 years ago, you know. I'm now 43 and I've been married a long time and all that good stuff. Yeah, but I can still feel that you know, coming up in my body. And so for those of you who are out there thinking, wow, like they're really, they're really sharing a lot today. All of us have a story, and all of us have been in those moments, and all of us have the opportunity when we feel those feelings, if we really allow ourselves to feel them, they will inform our future in a good way.

Speaker 50:49

That's wow, that's really well said. I I told you this, I think before, maybe when we were walking in here. I don't know. I'm grateful for all of this. I'm I'm grateful that it was so hard. I'm grateful that I know literally know what it feels like to lose my family. Um, thank God that I didn't, but uh I'll be short here. I I will do any the the reason I'm here, the reason I'm open about how hard it was, the reason that I'm so open about Kratom and you know trying to get the word out. I'll do anything I can to never go back to the mental space I was in on January the 19th of this year. Anything. And the people that I hurt, the people that uh I isolated from, like all of these things, the people I learned from.

Speaker 1 51:42

This is so fresh, Chad.

Speaker 51:44

It it's really fresh.

Speaker 1 51:46

January 19th. Yes, good lord.

Speaker 51:49

Yeah, and it's it I can much like what you just shared, I can feel the same feelings as then. It'll never go away. And what I do want to replace that with is at least some type of positivity, knowing uh I met with a guy yesterday that is just desperate. And you know, and I won't say who of all the but and it and this is a highly successful, like just a nice guy. I just, you know, it doesn't matter about success in this, but I just hope that the people who hear this can actually get some help because honestly, Cat, it is a monster. It really is. You know, two years ago they settled a lawsuit for $8.225 million because people were suing them for addiction and um uh misinterpreted marketing. You know, it's just the the they've disabled their comments on all their social media handles. You know, it it's they know. They know. So I'm just uh I know what you're saying. I just want to turn this into a positive no matter what I share, you know?

Speaker 1 52:54

Something that, you know, you mentioned that you had been to rehab another time. No. And so I want to say I think that's so courageous. And also if you all know Chad or if you Google him or what have you, you'll think, wow, perfect. Sorry. You know?

Speaker 53:15

If if anybody thinks that, please send me a DM and I'll I just let my head get grow even more.

Speaker 1 53:21

You know what I'm talking about. You've built businesses, you're a great guy, you love your wife, you love your daughter, you have good friends. Like this is a silver platter life, it looks like well, thank you. And sometimes I think when we have so many of the external successes and those types of things, it's hard to ask for help. Because sometimes it's harder to ask for help when things are good.

Speaker 53:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 53:51

Because it's like, whoop, uh, there's a chink in my armor, or maybe it's going to affect my image, or something like that. Did any of that ever enter for you? Or was it or was it just like I've got to go now?

Speaker 54:07

This time, which I know it sounds funny. Uh I saw a friend recently who's and I told him I was going to re or got out of rehab, and he was like, again? Uh it was hilarious. I think he thought he offended me, but he didn't. Um You know, I am I embarrassed about this? Yes. I mean I am. I I'm embarrassed with myself. Like, frankly, I don't want to be the issue guy. I don't want my platform, quote unquote, which I'm not a public person. I don't want my platform to be the issue guy or the rehab guy. But this is so important to me that I just decided when I made that post that I've got to share this and then go from there. Am I worried about uh my image right now? No. No. Um I I get to the point I don't really care. You know, I'm old and I'll say this because people have asked me, I asked Skylar before my daughter before making that original post. And she literally said, No, I'm uh I'm proud of you. I want to learn more about it, and and you can. And so it with that nod of approval, then I I felt okay to do so. But I've had people ask, hey, does Skylar know? And I was and rightfully so. I would ask my friends, my best friends. And then lastly, I've had multiple people say, I good friends, say, I had no idea. I was like, Remember your birthday party when I didn't show up to you when I said I did, or or would, or you you remember those meetings I kept canceling? That's what I was doing. It's just isolating. So yeah, I'm no it didn't really come in. This time I knew I had to go or I would have been dead. Honestly.

Speaker 1 55:53

You get out of rehab, you drive by gas station. You have to fill up with gas once a week. What happens?

Speaker 56:03

I did on the way here. I'm disgusted by this product. I walked in yesterday. Ironically, the yeah, I could say this. Uh where I went is very close to here. Very close. And I went to the alumni meeting last night. I I stopped for like a drink or something. Not that type of drink, a soda, or water, probably, but there's the display case right next to the register. It does not trigger me at all, other than knowing like I want to get that case off this counter. That's all I think. I I've started asking people, hey, do you sell a lot of those just to see? Oh, yeah, we can't keep them in stock. Oh, yeah. That same gas station the first time I stopped was restocking as I asked him that. And so it doesn't, there is no craving. There's no um not when I see it, you know, not at all. Uh to be honest, a couple of weeks ago with sunny, I kind of had a light urge. I really did. I'm just being honest with us. Please. And then it it it it passed in maybe 15 seconds, you know. But I have to be honest with this whole process. You know, I'm still an addict, and I probably always will be, but it I know no. I'll say again, I will do anything and everything to not go back to that mental state.

Speaker 1 57:28

You sound solid.

Speaker 57:29

I hope so.

Speaker 1 57:30

Yeah.

Speaker 57:30

I hope so.

Speaker 1 57:31

Yeah.

Speaker 57:32

I'm it's I'm honest about it, I mean it.

Speaker 1 57:34

Yeah.

Speaker 57:34

You know.

Speaker 1 57:36

Where are you now in your relationship with yourself in terms of have you gotten to the point where you think I forgive myself?

Speaker 57:47

No. Uh short answer, no. Um I'm still I still have a lot of insecurities about not, you know, this it's worth repeating, I guess. So when we sold the bars, we did okay, and I haven't had to chase a paycheck, but I I do need to chase purpose. And frankly, and my as my wife will tell you, that paycheck is rapidly creeping up on me. I need a job, but uh, I need a traditional job to get out of the house. But in fact, if anyone's hiring, no, so that insecurity still eats at me. So I stopped. I mean, that was a big part of all of this. The lack of purpose. I I think you know this because we know you from so long ago, but I was obsessed with a bar business. It literally is all I wanted to do since high school. And so that's what I did. And I did it for 25 years.

Speaker 1 58:40

Y'all were good at it.

Speaker 58:41

Thank you. Yeah, we it was good to us, you know. The city of Austin, anyway, it was good to us, but so I lost that. So do I forgive myself? No. As a matter of fact, when I look at my wife or I look at my daughter, or and I try. I try, I try to term it positive, but I think I said short answer no, so I'll keep it short. No.

Speaker 1 59:05

We'll get there.

Speaker 59:06

Yeah, no. Part two. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

How To Get Support Now

Speaker 1 59:08

God forgives himself. Yeah. What would you say to somebody who is quietly struggling?

Speaker 59:14

I'm so glad you asked that because I've answered. So I've been inundated with messages, emails, texts, people, you know, two, three degrees of separation. Um I've met with multiple people. I've answered all of those. I've had calls about this. So this is this is serious. I'm gonna get serious about this if you don't mind, because it's really important to me. And I'm not a therapist or a doctor. I'm just speaking from personal experience. This is this is serious. This will sneak up on you without you knowing. I've been addicted to Adderall before. It was not like Kratom. It was not like feel-free for whatever reason. It was like a a moth through a flame. And I know addicts will say, well, that's addiction. Yes, it is. It it you you may think that you have it under control with two, and then it's gonna go to four, and then it's gonna go to six, and then it's gonna get to the point that you do not know how to stop. You have drained your bank account, just like I did, just like I did. And I if it's not me, that uh if Cat has my number and you reach out to her and you call me, I will talk to you, I will sit with you, I'll do anything I can, I will tell you my personal experience. That's all I can do. If you want to know where I went to rehab, I'll tell you where I went to rehab. Amazing facility, amazing program. I just want to end by saying it is serious because it's legal, easily accessible, and marketed in a predatory way, it will sneak up on you like you would not believe.

Speaker 1 1:00:53

Yeah, I I can feel your resolve. And I appreciate you being so vulnerable with me and with us and with the listener, because that's the only thing that ever gets through to people is vulnerability. You know, often I'm a therapist and old school therapists don't share about themselves with their patients or their clients, and I just kind of threw that in the trash can a long time ago. Because I think if I'm not a human, how are you going to relate? How are you gonna connect? How are you going to so I learned a long time ago that if I say, Oh, I have this, that it's more likely that I'm actually gonna connect with the real human and we're not just gonna talk about the Yankees or whatever, you know, crap like that. I want to talk about real stuff. And so you being vulnerable really it really slices through and it allows the listener to reflect on what they're experiencing in a deep way. So good job.

Speaker 1:02:03

Thank you so much. Yeah, good on you. Thank you. It was great being here. I think that um I know that people don't know this. We've known each other for a long time. Yeah, I was honored whenever this uh I received this message. And I want to say also I'm proud of you. I mean, all that you've done, all that you know, I know you have books and this, and you're a therapist. So again, from the person that we met, what'd we decide? I think it was twenty twenty-five years ago.

Speaker 1 1:02:29

Chad and I met. I was a hostess.

Speaker 1:02:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:02:34

I was in college, I was a hostess. Yeah. And uh he and his brother and partner would come in for drinks. And uh anyway, we just see each other, saw each other kind of grow up.

Speaker 1:02:49

We did. We sold the bars, we can't afford that place anymore, but but it was a good time. Uh uh, all joking aside, thank you so much. I am proud of you, but thank you, Chad. For what that's worth. But thank you so much for this and great job. Oh, thank you. Great job, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:03:05

Thank you, thank you. Listener, thanks for thanks for listening. Thanks for opening your hearts up to us. And thanks for listening with an open heart and an open mind. Chad, you're in real estate now.

Speaker 1:03:20

I am.

Speaker 1 1:03:20

You've been for a while. Where can people connect with you?

Speaker 1:03:24

Yeah, thank you for asking that. It's so my younger brother owns the brokerage. It's Womack Real Estate.

Speaker 1 1:03:30

What's your younger brother's name?

Speaker 1:03:31

Wes.

Speaker 1 1:03:31

Hi, Wes.

Speaker 1:03:32

Yeah. And then Dylan hangs her license with Wes, and she is just a boss right now. So Dylan Womack, who would be able to help you much better than I can. How do you spell Dylan? D-I-L-L-O-N.

unknown 1:03:47

Okay.

Speaker 1:03:47

Boss Womack.

Speaker 1 1:03:49

But uh there I'll put all their info in the show notes so you guys will be able to find their real estate brokerage firm.

Speaker 1:03:55

Thank you.

Speaker 1 1:03:56

Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1:03:57

Thank you.

Speaker 1 1:03:58

Of course. You're gonna you're gonna be great.

Speaker 1:04:00

Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 1:04:01

You're gonna be a great friend. All right, listener, thank you so much for being with us, and until next time, take good care of yourselves. Thank you for spending this time with me. If something from today's conversation resonated, or if you're in a season where support would help, visit me at gattheahhallam.com. That's c A T I A H O L M dot com. You can also leave an anonymous question for the show by calling or texting 956-249-7930. I'd love to hear what's on your heart. If Couch Time with Cat has been meaningful to you, it would mean so much if you'd subscribe, rate, and leave a review. It helps others find us and it grows this community of care. And if you know someone who needs a little light right now, send them this episode. Remind them they're not alone. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, keep showing up, and know I'm right here with you.