Can An AI Chatbot Replace Therapy?

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In today's episode, Can an AI Chatbot Replace Therapy?, we talk about why a calm AI response can still leave us feeling alone, and why that difference matters for our nervous systems and relationships. We also share safer, more connected ways to use chatbots without confusing convenience for real healing. 
• the rise of AI chatbots for emotional support and why many people keep it secret 
• the risks clinicians see, including shaky guidance, weakening crisis guardrails, and privacy limits 
• what AI does well, like naming feelings and organizing thoughts 
• why healing happens through co-regulation and embodied connection 
• the two-minute rule to choose a person before a screen 
• how chatbots can become reassurance machines and echo chambers 

Transcript

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Welcome And The Midnight Chat

Speaker 0:00

Welcome to Couch 10 with Cat, mental wellness with a friendly voice. I'm Cat, your friendly neighborhood marriage and family therapist, best-selling author, and TEDx speaker. But most of all, I'm a proud wife and mama, endurance athlete, and wholehearted coffee lover. And I'm truly delighted to be your host. Each week we gather for thoughtful conversations about relationships, resilience, healing, and yes, sometimes we laugh along the way. Let's begin. I want to ask a little question. Have you ever experienced something like it's late at night, you can't sleep? Your brain is doing that thing where it picks up a worry and just will not put it down. And without even thinking, maybe you pick up your phone and you open up one of your AI chatbots. So maybe it's GPT, or maybe you're a clawed person. You type out exactly what's bothering you. And within four seconds, you have a very calm, very articulate, and well-organized response, complete with bullet points. And maybe it even uses therapeutic language. Maybe it validates your feelings or reframes the thought or gives you a grounding exercise. And then maybe you put the phone down and you notice something, and you still kind of feel maybe alone in your thoughts or in your questions. That's the thread I want to pull on today because I think a lot of us have had that experience. We've got a supercomputer in our pocket that can answer almost anything, comfort us in the moment, and never get tired of us. And I'm definitely not here to villainize that. I use it too. But today I want to talk honestly about the difference between getting information and getting healing. Because those two things are not the same. And mistaking one for the other has real consequences for our nervous systems, our relationships, and our mental health. So settle in, get comfortable. Welcome to CouchTime. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about AI chatbots and whether they can actually replace therapy.

The Data And The Secret AI Life

Speaker 2:24

Okay, let me give you a few numbers because I know some of you like me like the data as well as the feelings. Recent research this year found that nearly one in five American teenagers and young adults are now turning to AI chatbots for emotional support. That's an estimate of over eight million young people. And here's the part that stopped me in my tracks. Nearly two out of three of them never told a single person they were doing it. Not a parent, not a friend, not a counselor, just them in the glowing screen at midnight. Something I tell my clients a lot is we have a secret life, a private life, and a public life. And it really depends. Like we have people in our lives who maybe there's one person like your spouse who moves through maybe all three tiers. And sometimes maybe your spouse just stays in your private life, so to speak. It's like little categories of your life. So secret, private, and public. And for a lot of us, our AI life is in our secret compartment. We don't always really share with human beings what we're sharing with our AI bots. It's not only happening with kids, it's happening with young people, with adults, and with our more mature, you know, grandmas and grandpas. So it's happening and it's pretty pervasive through our society. Now, I don't just want to talk about numbers, I also want to talk about our soul, the feelings.

Safety Risks And Privacy Reality

Speaker 4:12

So psychologists who study this and clinicians testing these chatbots directly have found some genuinely concerning patterns. Some mental health branded chatbots have given questionable guidance, including how to come off psychiatric medication, which is something that should only ever happen with a prescriber's guidance. Guardrails that are supposed to catch a crisis moment have been shown to weaken the longer a conversation goes on. And nearly every one of these apps will tell you that your conversation is confidential, but it's not. There is no doctor-patient privilege with a chatbot. There's a server somewhere. I share that not to scare you, but because I think we deserve to make informed decisions about where we bring our pain. Convenience is not the same as care, and information is not the same as healing. And that's the whole heart of today's episode.

What AI Does Well

Speaker 5:18

Listen, AI is good at things. We know this. And let's be fair, right? We use it for emails, for reports, for creating fun images. And I certainly use AI, and I definitely don't wag my finger at it. It's good at organizing our thoughts, good at creating our calendars. Y'all, I just digitized my calendar for the first time ever, and Lord, it is so cool. I used Claude, I uploaded, I just all you have to do is upload a picture of, let's say, your kids' school calendar, and Claude will organize it, label it, and throw it in your Google Calendar. What? That's wild. So there are things that it's really, really good at. It's good at giving us a vocabulary word for a feeling we can't name. Like, oh, beep boop, beep boop, that's anticipatory anxiety, or that's called people pleasing, or that's called a trauma response. And having language for something is very powerful. I've watched it change lives in my own office, watched a client's whole face shift when a feeling finally had a name. AI is also good at being endlessly patient. It will never sigh or check the clock or roll its eyes or say, oop, we're out of time. So I understand the pool and I feel the pool and I give in to the pull. If you've used one of these tools to help you think something through, you're not broken or lazy. You're a human being looking for relief. And that is deeply, deeply understandable. And here's my pause and

The Felt Sense Of Being Understood

Speaker 7:07

reflect moment for all of us. And I actually just want to sit in it and not rush past it. I want you to think of a time in your life when you felt truly understood by another person. Not just heard, but understood. I'm having dinner with a girlfriend tomorrow, Grace. And she's been a guest on this podcast, and I just adore her. So Gracie and I are having dinner tomorrow, and she's one of those people for me. She is open and loving and kind and gentle and curious. And I want to be around her. I I love her dearly, and also it feels really good because she understands me. She doesn't judge me. So for you, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a parent, maybe it's a partner, or a therapist, or maybe it's even a stranger in the right moment. So go back to that moment and just close your eyes and think: what does it feel like in your body when you're understood? Not just in your head, but in your chest, your shoulders, your breath. Let's just sit with that for a second. I know when I feel really understood, I feel soft. Like I feel not quite like a puddle of water, but I just kind of feel gooey, like like a sourdough starter, something just kind of soft and malleable, and like I'm not on edge in any way. How do you feel? So that feeling, that's not the feeling I feel when Claude tells me something. That's not the feeling I feel when I get a really well-worded paragraph. Is that the feeling that you do you feel warm and soft and kind of comfy and not on edge after AI talks to you? Perhaps, but you know, maybe not.

Information Versus Healing In Relationship

Speaker 9:27

Let's talk about information versus healing. The distinction I love to come back to is AI can give us information, but it can't give us healing. Healing happens in relationship. Often healing, so we say that we get hurt in relationship, and because we get hurt in relationship, we need to heal in relationship. That's very true for most of us. So this isn't just me being sentimental, it's actual nervous system science. Our bodies regulate through something called co-regulation. When another human being sits across from you, makes eye contact, softens their voice, mirrors your emotion back to you with warmth, your nervous system picks up on that safety. It's happening below the level of conscious thought. So our vagus nerves, the low wandering nerve that runs from our brain stem through to our heart and gut, is constantly scanning the room for cues of safety or threat. And a calm, attuned human presence is one of the most powerful safety cues there is. This is part of why I love being a therapist. And also, this is part of why I keep my energy so very clean and grounded. I really see it as a moral, what's the word? Um, I don't know that it's moral obligation, but responsibility, a moral responsibility that I keep peaceful and clean and clear, so that when the clients come into Bright Light, I am open and aware and present because I am very, very aware that they are coming into my space and needing to co-regulate with me. So if I'm not feeling grounded and peaceful, they're gonna pick up on that and I'm not gonna be as good at my job as I could be. I'm not going to deliver like I want to deliver. So part of the reason I work out all the time and eat well and drink lots of water and go to my own therapy is all with that purpose in mind. So that when a client walks into bright light, I am clean and clear and available. My energy is good, and they can co-regulate with my nervous system all the more healing for them. So I'm very, very intentional with that. I do not go into work stressed, I just don't. I work very hard to do that. So I tell my clients all the time, like, listen, Zoom is great and you can pick up on energy via Zoom, absolutely no problem. But if you can come in person, I always say that's more bang for your buck, because you get to co-regulate with me. You get to ground in my nervous system and in the energy of the space, and that makes a huge difference. And listen, Claude can make an Excel sheet, but it can't do that, right? So it can simulate words of empathy, but it cannot offer you a nervous system to co-regulate with. There's no body in the room, there's no felt sense of truly being seen by another person who has also lived, hurt, and survived something. You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. Hi friends, I'm Cat, and today we're talking about the difference between getting answers from a machine and getting healing from a relationship. I think about this like the difference between reading a book about swimming and actually getting in the water with someone holding you up the first few times. The book isn't wrong. The information in it might even be accurate, but you don't learn how to swim from the book. You learn it in the water with someone there. Another image I like to use is there's a difference between looking at a picture of a pizza than playing with like plastic pizza pieces. Remember when you're a kid and you kind of play with plastic food. So you can look at a picture of a pizza, you can play with plastic food that looks like a pizza, or you can go to the grocery store, get the ingredients, take them to your kitchen, and learn how to make a pizza. All those are pizza, but they're very, very different experiences of it. One is an embodied experience, and one is information. And I think about this, you know, with my own family a ton. I watch people I love reach for their phone in hard moments instead of reaching for somebody else. And sometimes I do that too. And that's because our phone doesn't require vulnerability, it doesn't require the risk of being misunderstood or judged or inconvenient. But the risk is exactly where the healing lives. We cannot get real intimacy with ourselves or with another person without a bit of risk.

Metaphors For Embodied Change

Speaker 15:07

Let's get practical, shall we? Okay, because I never just want to leave you with a feeling or no floor to stand on. So here's what I want you to try this week. I'm calling it the two-minute rule. The next time you catch yourself reaching for a chat bot, or honestly, even a Google, right, or search engine? Guys, do we still use Yahoo out there? I'm not sure. So if you're reaching for something to process something emotional, pause for two minutes before you type. I know that's asking a lot. In those two minutes, ask yourself one question. Is there a human being I can reach out to instead? Even to say, hey, can I vent for a second? It doesn't have to be a therapist. It could be a friend, a sibling, a neighbor, your couch time with cat community on Instagram. You can DM me on Instagram. The point isn't that AI is forbidden. The point is building the muscle of choosing connection first and letting the AI be the backup and not the whole plan. I have seen a local artist. Her name is Ashley Dalton. She lives here in Wimberlin. She has just her art is outstanding. And she is constantly, I don't know about constantly, but she is sharing things on Instagram. And she says, you know, it's obviously satirical, but she says, you know, why would you call your friend for her favorite chicken casserole recipe when you can just AI it? And that really got me thinking, I as a person am more likely to just search it up than to reach out to someone and ask them. But over time, that has a huge effect, not only on my sense of belonging, but on my sense of connection and community. And I'm guessing, you know, eventually in my sense of value and purpose, because when we can be there for somebody else, let's say, let's say a friend out there had a question about how to find a certain therapist, or let's say my friend had a question about how to, or like what are some a great

The Two Minute Rule For Connection

Speaker 17:45

pair of running shoes? My friend could Google it. My friend could ask one of the chat bots, well, what's a great pair of running shoes? But honestly, I would love to have that conversation with a friend. If I have a friend and I know she's getting into running, I would love to encourage her. I would love to give her like little tips and tricks or things that I learned along the way. And I'd love to say, and these are my favorite pair of shoes. So it creates this whole other moment of connection. I'm not just passing along data. I'm not just saying, you know, my favorite are my favorite running shoes are Brooks, blah, blah, blah. I'm saying, hey, girl, these feel really soft, or my ankle rolls in these, or good luck, or where are you running, or can I run with you? So it just creates like this other little flourishing connection as opposed to asking chat, give me five pairs of good running shoes and give me the links so I can buy them. It's just such a much, like it's a drier experience, right? Asking a chat bot. So sometimes we want the dry experience. Sometimes we just want the information. And I totally get that. And also, you know, not to not to sound obnoxious like we're depriving our friends of connection, but you know, we're all connected. So if we are taking ourselves out of that loop and our friends are taking us out of that loop unknowingly, things start to become a little more lonely. If you use AI, and there's no shame here, I want you to treat it, or I'm gonna encourage you to treat it like a very well-read stranger's opinion. You know, it's helpful for information, but it's never replacement for a licensed professional, especially if what you're carrying involves real crisis, real trauma, real danger to yourself or someone else. And if you're ever in that kind of moment, please, please reach out to a real human, a crisis line. You can call 988, a therapist, an emergency room, or someone who loves you. A chatbot is not equipped to hold the full weight of that. And some of the most heartbreaking stories we've seen in the news this year have shown us exactly why. Come find me on Instagram at couch time with cat and let me know if you try the two-minute rule this week. I read every message.

Chatbots As Reassurance Echo Chambers

Speaker 20:37

Let's talk a little bit about when we use our chat bots as reassurance machines. Okay, I know that sounds a little silly, but our chat bots by definition are trained by us. And if we are and if we are going into the chat bot with one form of thinking, unless we've trained our chat bot to say, you know, give me dissenting opinions, help me think critically, um, don't just be a sycophant. Like unless we're giving it these very specific instructions, probably in general, it's going to be warm and encouraging and supportive. I mean, I use chat GPT and Claude, and sometimes I like chat chat GPT better because it's nicer to me. It's like great idea, Catya. Let's do that. We can do that. And it's just so, it's just more encouraging. And Claude's just a little drier, which is fine, of course. But I just I notice the difference of how I feel when I'm on each of the platforms. And We are going to be drawn to the more warm, encouraging one. And most of us are going to be drawn to the one that's more agreeable. Okay. So have you ever heard somebody say, you know, let's get together with some like-minded people? Why are they doing that? Why are they getting together with somebody like-minded? A lot of the reason is because it feels good, right? It feels really good and it's easy, easier, rather. It and it provides our brains less friction. When we're with people who disagree with us, sometimes it's really grading on our brain. Like we have to try to think of their perspective and we have to defend ours and we have to be uncomfortable. And it just puts us into this whole other space. But when you're with like-minded people, think about it like at a just even at a football game. Let's say you're all rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. If you're all rooting for the Dallas Cowboys, that feels really good. It feels exciting and fun, and you get to be part of something. And if you are the only Chiefs fan in a sea of Cowboys fans, that doesn't feel that good. You kind of feel like ganged up on or maybe not as strong or connected. So our A I our ready? Okay. Our AI chatbots, they know that. They want to keep us in the program, engaging. So it's going to be warm and encouraging. And we are going to get into this cycle where it's just an echo chamber of our own beliefs and thoughts. So quite possibly, you know, it's going to convince us, oh, yes, Catya, absolutely. He was so rude. You should really talk to him about it. Like it's going to give me the opinion I want. It's not necessarily going to give me the most therapeutic or objective or healthy or long-term kind of well opinion. That's not English. Long-term well, that's not English, guys. But if you think of the greater good, it may not give me an answer for the long-term greater good. It may give me an answer that just kind of makes me feel good in the moment. And we're not gonna know. These machines are so incredibly powerful, and they're smarter than us, guys. They are smarter than us. And we have to think critically when we are using these tools. Just be aware that it could be an echo chamber for you. It's not necessarily giving you the most wise answer when it comes to emotions or healing or relationships. I don't think the answer is to throwing our phones in a lake, you know? I don't think fear is a good long-term motivator anyway. And maybe part of the answer is just staying honest with ourselves about what we're actually looking for in these

Journal Prompt And Staying Connected

Speaker 25:20

moments. Sometimes we genuinely just want information. How do I file this form? What's a grounding technique? What does this word mean? You know, all that is fine use. But sometimes, if we're honest, what we're really craving underneath the question is to not be alone with a feeling. And no amount of well-informed advice fixes that particular ache that only being known by another person does. So here's a question I want you to sit with. You don't have to answer it out loud. Just sit with it, okay? When you reach for your phone in a hard moment, what are you actually hoping that it gives you? And is there a person in your life who could give that to you instead if you let them? Right? There's gotta be someone out there who would give it to you if you let them. And before we wrap up today, there's one more little question. Okay, let's do a little journal prompt. Guys, should I do couch time with cat journals? Oh, send me a DM. That would be so fun. That would be really fun. Okay, the last time I felt truly understood by another person, what did they do or not do that made me feel that way? Okay, the last time you truly felt understood by another person, what did they do or not do that made you feel that way? Write it down, notice the details, and then if you're feeling brave, go be that for somebody else this week. Or maybe ask somebody to be that for you. As always, come hang out with me over on Instagram and Facebook at CouchTime with Cat and tell me what's landing for you from today's episode. Are you an AI at midnight person like me? Did this change how you're gonna use it? I want to know. So come DM me and share with me. I always want these episodes to be valuable for you and to give us a sense of connectivity and awareness. That's it for today's episode, friends. Thank you for sitting on the couch with me today, for spending time on the difference between convenience and connection, between information and real healing. And if this episode resonated with you, do me a favor, send it to a friend. Text them the link, screenshot a moment that hit you, and let's get this community connected. Tag me at Couchtime with Cat on Instagram and Facebook and tell me what's sitting with you right now or what you're gonna try this week. And if you want reflections and resources delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for my newsletter at couchtimewithcat.com slash newsletter. Every single time you tune in, you make my dreams come true, and I don't take that for granted. Thank you for spending time with me today, friends. Until next week, take good care of yourselves. Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated, I'd love to stay connected with you. You can follow along on Instagram and Facebook at Couchtime with Cat and sign up for my newsletter at CouchTimewithCat.com for reflections and resources delivered straight to you. Listen to Couchtime with Cat on KWVH 94.3 and subscribe on Apple, Spotify, and iHeartRadio. Your support means so much to me. Thank you. Until next time, take good care of yourselves.